Performing at Private Events vs. Performing at a Show

Doing atmosphere work at French Tuesdays

Fun party, great people, and international

There are many advantages to performing at a private event. Most of the time because it's a private party, the producers/bookers have a bigger budget for talent so that means you get paid more. The downside is the "atmosphere" work you often have to do. You can't just sink back into your leggings, rock tshirt, and biker boots, hang out backstage then bail. You will have to put on a pretty dress, put those heels back on, go out and mingle with the partygoers who are usually drunk but you are sober. But this is just part of the job description and I don't mind it, in fact, I do enjoy it. The key to a private party gig, I find, is who is doing it with you. That can make a huge difference between a shitty experience where you feel dumb (which I will describe in a minute) or having an amazing time feeling really good about yourself and what you do. A good example of a positive experience was the French Tuesdays party that I did a few months ago with Veronica Varlow. It was hard work, two acts, two gogo sets, and hanging out for photo with people. But the organizers were SO nice and really great so it was way fun. The people at this party were friendly, outgoing, and they danced just as much as we did. The staff at the venue were absolutely accommodating and helped Vlo schlep her luggage up and down the stairs. THIS was a great experience plus she's a pleasure to be around which rounded out the night quite well.

At a private party there is typically no tipping so whatever the organizer agreed to that's what you'll get at the end of the night. This is an advantage over performing at a show where you (generally) don't get a guarantee and have to wait til the end of the night after the house sorts out the cover and count all the money then you get your share. You never know if you'll be going home with $30 or $80 or $12...

Veronica doing a fan dance number

From a producer's point of view to work a private event you should mentally prepare yourself for lots of unexpected changes, lack of structure, need to improvise on the fly. When you gig at a show, there is a producer and a host. Often these two roles are one, as in all my shows to save money. Shows have a structure: first set, intermission, second set, curtain call. There's a line-up. Someone will intro and out-tro you. In my opinion, one of the most important roles the host should play is crowd control. It is the host's (or producer) job to make people clear the space if there is no real stage (as in my Drunken Dragon Nights show at Macao Trading Company). It is also his/her job to set up what is about to happen, what the audience is about to see, and how to react. This is why we all do the whole "burletique 101" stint in the beginning just to be sure people know what to expect. I do it so the crowd knows that I will kick someone out if they are rude or disrespectful. Before I started doing burlesque a long time ago, I went to see a show at the Slipper Room with a group of Irish guys who I barely knew and they were so obnoxious screaming stuff like "show us your tits!" and "take your shirt off!" all the usual I'm-a-stupid-straight-man-moronic shit. So we got kicked out! I was so impressed with that. It made a lasting impression on me. From hence forth I said to myself, "If I ever have a show and that power that's exactly what I want to do." And now I have the verbal power and luckily the muscle power of Stephen and Craig at Nurse Bettie to back me up as well as Dushan, Igor, Mauricio, and all the other eastern European studs at Macao to pull a Eastern Promises on unruly assholes.

The host also should set up the performers to build anticipation and also to start reining in the focal point in the room. Albert Cadabra and Bastard Keith are really great and masters at making every performer sound like a fucking nuclear A-BOMB of hotness! It doesn't matter if you believe it or not, but the words make a difference to the audience. These are all advantages of working a well-produced show. There are many out there but there are also many lackluster sloppy shows.

Also at private events, there is often no host or MC to intro or out-tro you. You are lucky if there's a microphone. If someone does intro you count your lucky stars. In the worst case scenario someone with a meek voice will attempt to call attention to the ground-level circular space where you are standing in costume waiting to do your thing - awkwardly. No one cheers. They just stare because no one told them they can clap and cheer during a burlesque tease. When you are finished, no one out-tros you so you smile and do a showboat stance and um... bend down to pick up your own clothes like an out-of-style stripper working a cheap strip joint in buttfuck nowhere, USA. In another scenario as recently experienced by yours truly, you come out to do your act but there is no stage so you start to dance in the middle of the dance floor and a drunk douche bag siddles up to you in the straight-guy-thrusting-his-groin-with-legs-spread-open-hey-this-is-me-dancing move and tries to dance WITH you WHILE you are doing your act! Or, drunk partiers who obviously resent the music being stopped and having to watch some stupid burlesque act and push you to get around the dancefloor WHILE you are doing your act. Or, photographers who stand in front of you to take photos of someone else WHILE you are doing your act. Or, hey one more, the chair you asked for a million times isn't there so you improvise and stand with one leg on a soft cushy couch and then end up falling down while pulling out the rosary beads out of your vajay with a cloth gag in your mouth! I've never felt more DUMB. Lack of a stage is the primary disadvantage in my mind for working private events. I don't like being close to people this is why I don't attend concerts. And as the previous example demonstrates lack of spatial separation between performer and audience can lead to unhappy calamities.


New Year's Eve at Macao Trading Company!

One last thing to beware of about private parties. Expectations. Some generally have never seen burlesque and have no idea what we are, what we do or don't do. Again, this is the host's job to set the proper tone and mood. Many, I swear to beelzebub, think we are escorts, call girls, or strippers. They will make suggestions about taking drugs together, sharing a cab, sit on their laps, or as Sapphire Jones recently told me about her experience (with her permission to retell this), directly asked her if she is still "escorting" after she spent 15 minutes conversing about her career in acting, her boyfriend, her dog...My advice? If you feel uncomfortable, say so nicely. Your integrity is more important than whatever the pay is. And you have to protect that.

Not every private party is like this. Not every show is "amazing great fun" either. I'm only listing general advantages and disadvantages. Most of the time the downside of private parties have nothing to do with the people who actually booked the event. They are often nice professional people who really want to create a kickass event but are just new to having burlesque at their events. The organizers often don't have a good grasp of what kind of acts will go over well at private events. Understandly they want to create a "WOW" moment for their attendees but due to all the aforementioned limitations with space, lighting, setup, I would say, PLAY IT SAFE and do classic, glamorous straight-up strip tease with room for improving and moving around. Nothing with a heavy narrative or proprs or that requires paying attention throughout to "get it".

What I Do on a Day/Night Off

I had a day off today, and by a day off, I mean a day when I didn't have to work on-site at an agency designing someone else's web site and online campaign OR rehearse for hours, spend hours sewing and embellishing a costume, or walk around the garment district looking for all the pieces I need to make a costume. What I did today, happily and wilingly without the clean police forcing me to do it, is swiffer the bedroom, bathroom, hallways, and kitchen. I also mopped the bathroom AND I am doing laundry right now at 11 pm. I also had time to go out to dinner with one of my closest girl friends at a nearby restaurant that just opened two nights ago called The Fat Radish. We sat at the bar and she knew almost everyone there fro the co-owners, the chef, to random people who came by tonight. She is in the hospitality business as are most of my non-burlesque friends. The restaurant's decor is all about texture. Exposed brick walls painted with a haphazard wash of white paint, raw wood ceilings, and big long communal farm tables. The food is interesting. It seems very farm vegetable-based. As their name suggests, there were a few pickled radish dishes that were surprisingly delicious! I totally poopoo-ed it but my friend ordered one and after I tried it, I was a radish convert. We ordered oysters, as we usually do, but the most amazing dish was the Beet Crumble!! You will not believe how delicious this dish was. It is a real crumble! A savory crumble, not like a salad crumble. The thing came out in a little baking dish with a napking wrapped around it. On the top was crumbled nuts and oats, baked in with cheddar cheese and all beet and spinach and some other root-y vegetable. It was warm, nutty, savory, and buttery. This dish further confirms my sneaking suspicion that I am INDEED a closeted vegetarian. The bartender was very attentive and kept refilling our wine glasses and bought us a round of something dark and foul looking which we turned away and asked for Campari with soda instead. Then one of her ex's came in and I really don't like this guy. He dated another friend of mine before my friend from tonight, and I've never heard anything nice about him. (Yes, women TALK to each other). Anyway - every time I see this guy at our mutual friends' parties, he acts like he doesn't know me. And likewise, I do the same. Two can play this game, and I am FAR more skilled at this ridiculous game than some guy from little town New Zealand in the big city. He's so annoying! And he's gotten way FAT with a big thick neck. I can't believe my friends slept with him. Oh, did I also mention that a while ago, he and his partner tried to hire me to design a web site for them for like 1/8 of what it would cost??? They wanted e-cards, music player, all in Flash and we had a few meetings together "shooting the shit" and now at social situations he acts like he does not know me. It's beyond stupid. You know what's stupider? His wet noodle hair.

Anyway. Before this stupid-but-sadistically-enjoyable-encounter, I was inspired today to create a new act. I won't say what it is, but it's not classic and it's not fetish or dirty. It's more dance-pop inspired and I can tell you that it's either going to be Kylie Minoque's "Speakerphone" or Goldfrapp's "Strict Machine" - I really HEART both of these songs forever and that is KEY to doing a good act. LOVE YOUR SONG TO PIECES!! I also resurrected "Enter Sandman" after it got trashed by someone who I won't mention. I brought it back last night at Gloomy Goth Girl's Hard Candy Burlesque show at The Delancey. GGG sang "Enter Sandman" LIVE while I danced. I have minimized the act - my rule nowadays is, "When in doubt, don't rely on props." So I killed the goth locket, the shroud, the feather neck thing, and the chair. I was very happy with it now and it helped to cut the 5 minute long song down to 3.5 minutes. It was really fun hanging out with her crew at The Delancey. So close to my house so I could just roll home. GGG also did an impersonation of "Calamity Chang as a host" which was essentially me drunk and taunting the audience that I will take my clothes off with the help of tequila shots. In my defense that only happened ONCE at Beatles Burlesque. And further more, I never claimed or have ever billed myself as a host in the way say, Murray Hill, World Famous BoB, or Miss Astrid, are. I host to SAVE MONEY so we split the money one person less. I will claim to be a producer and a performer, two facets that I love more than hosting. So, although the impersonation was funny, I felt that I needed to explain myself so that no one has the wrong impression of what I want to accomplish. (Love you, JJ!) Here's a picture of me in my gothy-hair MU. You can't really tell from this picture cause of the lighting but my hair is teased out really big and I have sparkly blue eye make up all around and pale lips.

Backstage at The Delancey for Hard Candy Burlesque

Monday night's Beatles Burlesque was rained out! Or, I should say, hailed out. Everyone was telling me about tennis ball-sized hails coming down. Of course it was sunny all bloody day and right at 8pm, the rain started. This month's show was very tulmultuous from the beginning. First our guitarist Michael Webb is out of the country in Berlin working on a shoot for the new movie Three Musketeers with Milla Jovovich and Orlando Bloom. Then our drummer Matt Egan is working on a big deadline design project and his other band Made Out of Babies were in town to record. Honestly, I wanted to cancel the October show for financial reasons.

**** DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT PRODUCER WOES OR IF YOU THINK IT'S UNKOSHER TO TALK ABOUT VENUES AND WHAT THEY CHARGE AND WHAT WE MAKE AT THE END OF THE SHOW. IF YOU READ ON, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK AND DON'T BITCH TO ME ABOUT REVEALING MY WOES AS A PRODUCER IN THIS BUSINESS ****

I am NOT making money at this show. I have never made any or even broken even. This is a pure passion project because I love seeing how much people love it, seeing the band really take a claim to what they are doing, seeing how performers interpret the Beatles, and the enthusiasm the public has towards the show. It's gotten mentioned recently in Metromix - the grandmama of all night life activities - and in NYPost. However, just because your show gets press or thrown a dog bone does not mean you are gonna get bodies out to Williamsburg on a Monday "work night". And at 10pm. Plus the venue takes a cut AND house fees. It kills me. And it's a split of 9. Four members in the band which can't be minimized, 4 burlesque performers, and myself. The last couple of shows I have not paid myself or Michael or Honi - we've discussed this arrangement before and we got each other's backs as friends. But this isn't even counting all the promotional work I do like design and maintain the show web site, buy Facebook ads for the show every month, postcard/poster costs, and not to mention the band members putting money out of their pockets to rent rehearsal space. Some venues will let you use their space during the day to rehearse but not this one. Anyway so the rain really fucking bummed me out and not having Michael there to cheer me on, bummed me out more. Okay so back to the trials of doing this month's show. We ask Carl, the guitarist, who stood in for Michael before. He agrees to do it. Then we find another drummer. Then two hours later the drummer retracts his involvement claiming he fucked up his schedule (LAME and in my book NOT an excuse!!!). Again, I suggest we cancel the show this month. No one wants to. We find another drummer through Carl who is totally down for learning all the songs lickety split. They rehearse and rehearse and I'm feeling good. The night before Monday night, Brassy calls and tells me she's lost her voice due to inexplicable reasons. I'm beyond pissed at this point. I just want to get it over with. As a producer, you often feel like you have to be a mother. She has no replacement for me. I'm on videoChat with Michael in Berlin fucking stressed out of my mind, and then he suggested asking Bastard Keith to do all the vocals! Brilliant!!! Especially since BK and I have already been discussing which month he should come and sing/guest host the show. This was perfect and maybe it was meant to be for this month. The man pulled a miracle overnight and learned all 10-12 songs and showed up at 730 for sound check and fucking saved the night. I was very happy to hear the songs sang by a man - it was a really nice change. Anita Cookie also sang "Oh Darlin" and holy crap, that girl can sing! I knew she danced and sang with Kenball but this was such a delightful surprise. Maine Attraction also fuckin brought it. I've never seen her do acts like this, where it's more contemporary (well 60s-70s) and she looked fucking HOT with that long hippie wig. All in all the show was GREAT. BK was GREAT. Carl and Mike T were GREAT. Kenball was GREAT. Runaround Sue was GREAT and GoGo Harder my big "if I was a gay man I want to sleep with him" crush-du-jour was AMAZING. That body just won't quit!! Moneywise, it sucked dick balls. I woke up the next morning with a new plan in mind and it is now in action. I will know in a couple days where the chips will fall. The show has been there for 7 months now and I would like to keep it there if things go my way. But I am a pragmatist at heart and centuries of Chinese money-saving ancestors are not going to let me make a stupid financial decision. Here's a picture of me pre-show in a different outfit than what I usually wear at Beatles:

This Saturday night is "Spreading the Curtains" at Coco de Mer again! This month I will be working with Gigi Lafemme and Sapphire Jones. I've recently started working with Ms. Jones from performing at Doc Wasabassco's Revealed and City Winery shows. She and I share the love for feather tattoos. The three of us are working on a pretty cool group finale to a song that's been on my mind for a long time. It's a little conceptual and my critique of "fashion". You'll have to come to see it! As usual, 42Below will be on hand with the all night open bar along with The Naughty Housewife's delicious baked treats. The cost is only $25 when you think about it, that's two cocktails at any other place in SoHo. The show starts at 8pm pretty promptly and is over by 930pm at the latest. Still early enough for everyone to do whatever else they have planned. Who goes to a party before 930 anyway?

Ah, my laundry is done now! I've been letting Chewie sleep in bed with me since Michael is LOATH to have dog hair on the black comforter. But what I'm doing is I wash the sheets the day before he comes back so he'll never know! WA HA HA!

Before I sign off, one last imagery that inspires me. This is Bai Guang, one of the most famous sirens from 1930s Shanghai. I have an act to her song "Flame of Love."

Bai Guang 1920

John Lennon

I am out of dishwashing detergent. The living room looks like a giant Goth closet exploded all over it (been rehearsing for tmrw night's Spooky, Scary, Sexy show at The Delancey). The bedroom looks like Forever21 moved in (I went shopping and bought some stuff over the weekend like this Spangle Body Suit that I will wear when gogo-ing at Nurse Bettie this Thursday night). And right now I am going to Beatles Burlesque. A very auspicious night, I have a feeling. It's an all-boys band tonight! I'm very excited to hear a male voice sing these songs that have been sung by a female lead the last 6 months. Last weekend was John Lennon's 70th birthday so tonight's show is even more special. I hope I don't cry when I dedicate tonight's show to him. I will blog more later tonight.

Best Valentine's Day

The "Eat, Drink, Woman, Tiger" show this Sunday was stupendous. The show ended up feeling like a girls-gone-wild bachelorette party, and nothing mooshy or Valentiney at all! There were 3 big tables of all girls coming out for dinner and a show on Valentine's Day. I talked to many of them afterwards (as I always do after all my shows like a Chinese wedding), and they were the coolest girls and all very pretty and glammed up. There were a few other smaller tables of couples but the single girl tables were where all the interaction was at. Madame Rosebud was clearly the crowd favorite. She did a brand new act as an homage to women who fantasize about women, and she gave flowers away and kissed one of the girls in the front. Bastard Keith was there too hanging out with us downstairs and being a cool guy all around. Jesse Luttrell (who runs the Bawdy Vaudeville off-broadway show at the Triad Theater) was also a fav with the ladies. His song Pour Me a Man is so hysterical that even the straight guys laughed half way through the song. He really is a pleasure to watch and hear. And hello? Who brought down the house? Brassy! She did 2 new songs - Feel Like Making Love and My Funny Valentine - both with Michael on acoustic guitar. It gave me chills down my neck hearing her hold out those 2 really long notes.

So we are full speed ahead for the rest of the month! I will post the line-up in a couple of days. In the meantime, make sure you order tickets in advance!