Performing at Private Events vs. Performing at a Show

Doing atmosphere work at French Tuesdays

Fun party, great people, and international

There are many advantages to performing at a private event. Most of the time because it's a private party, the producers/bookers have a bigger budget for talent so that means you get paid more. The downside is the "atmosphere" work you often have to do. You can't just sink back into your leggings, rock tshirt, and biker boots, hang out backstage then bail. You will have to put on a pretty dress, put those heels back on, go out and mingle with the partygoers who are usually drunk but you are sober. But this is just part of the job description and I don't mind it, in fact, I do enjoy it. The key to a private party gig, I find, is who is doing it with you. That can make a huge difference between a shitty experience where you feel dumb (which I will describe in a minute) or having an amazing time feeling really good about yourself and what you do. A good example of a positive experience was the French Tuesdays party that I did a few months ago with Veronica Varlow. It was hard work, two acts, two gogo sets, and hanging out for photo with people. But the organizers were SO nice and really great so it was way fun. The people at this party were friendly, outgoing, and they danced just as much as we did. The staff at the venue were absolutely accommodating and helped Vlo schlep her luggage up and down the stairs. THIS was a great experience plus she's a pleasure to be around which rounded out the night quite well.

At a private party there is typically no tipping so whatever the organizer agreed to that's what you'll get at the end of the night. This is an advantage over performing at a show where you (generally) don't get a guarantee and have to wait til the end of the night after the house sorts out the cover and count all the money then you get your share. You never know if you'll be going home with $30 or $80 or $12...

Veronica doing a fan dance number

From a producer's point of view to work a private event you should mentally prepare yourself for lots of unexpected changes, lack of structure, need to improvise on the fly. When you gig at a show, there is a producer and a host. Often these two roles are one, as in all my shows to save money. Shows have a structure: first set, intermission, second set, curtain call. There's a line-up. Someone will intro and out-tro you. In my opinion, one of the most important roles the host should play is crowd control. It is the host's (or producer) job to make people clear the space if there is no real stage (as in my Drunken Dragon Nights show at Macao Trading Company). It is also his/her job to set up what is about to happen, what the audience is about to see, and how to react. This is why we all do the whole "burletique 101" stint in the beginning just to be sure people know what to expect. I do it so the crowd knows that I will kick someone out if they are rude or disrespectful. Before I started doing burlesque a long time ago, I went to see a show at the Slipper Room with a group of Irish guys who I barely knew and they were so obnoxious screaming stuff like "show us your tits!" and "take your shirt off!" all the usual I'm-a-stupid-straight-man-moronic shit. So we got kicked out! I was so impressed with that. It made a lasting impression on me. From hence forth I said to myself, "If I ever have a show and that power that's exactly what I want to do." And now I have the verbal power and luckily the muscle power of Stephen and Craig at Nurse Bettie to back me up as well as Dushan, Igor, Mauricio, and all the other eastern European studs at Macao to pull a Eastern Promises on unruly assholes.

The host also should set up the performers to build anticipation and also to start reining in the focal point in the room. Albert Cadabra and Bastard Keith are really great and masters at making every performer sound like a fucking nuclear A-BOMB of hotness! It doesn't matter if you believe it or not, but the words make a difference to the audience. These are all advantages of working a well-produced show. There are many out there but there are also many lackluster sloppy shows.

Also at private events, there is often no host or MC to intro or out-tro you. You are lucky if there's a microphone. If someone does intro you count your lucky stars. In the worst case scenario someone with a meek voice will attempt to call attention to the ground-level circular space where you are standing in costume waiting to do your thing - awkwardly. No one cheers. They just stare because no one told them they can clap and cheer during a burlesque tease. When you are finished, no one out-tros you so you smile and do a showboat stance and um... bend down to pick up your own clothes like an out-of-style stripper working a cheap strip joint in buttfuck nowhere, USA. In another scenario as recently experienced by yours truly, you come out to do your act but there is no stage so you start to dance in the middle of the dance floor and a drunk douche bag siddles up to you in the straight-guy-thrusting-his-groin-with-legs-spread-open-hey-this-is-me-dancing move and tries to dance WITH you WHILE you are doing your act! Or, drunk partiers who obviously resent the music being stopped and having to watch some stupid burlesque act and push you to get around the dancefloor WHILE you are doing your act. Or, photographers who stand in front of you to take photos of someone else WHILE you are doing your act. Or, hey one more, the chair you asked for a million times isn't there so you improvise and stand with one leg on a soft cushy couch and then end up falling down while pulling out the rosary beads out of your vajay with a cloth gag in your mouth! I've never felt more DUMB. Lack of a stage is the primary disadvantage in my mind for working private events. I don't like being close to people this is why I don't attend concerts. And as the previous example demonstrates lack of spatial separation between performer and audience can lead to unhappy calamities.


New Year's Eve at Macao Trading Company!

One last thing to beware of about private parties. Expectations. Some generally have never seen burlesque and have no idea what we are, what we do or don't do. Again, this is the host's job to set the proper tone and mood. Many, I swear to beelzebub, think we are escorts, call girls, or strippers. They will make suggestions about taking drugs together, sharing a cab, sit on their laps, or as Sapphire Jones recently told me about her experience (with her permission to retell this), directly asked her if she is still "escorting" after she spent 15 minutes conversing about her career in acting, her boyfriend, her dog...My advice? If you feel uncomfortable, say so nicely. Your integrity is more important than whatever the pay is. And you have to protect that.

Not every private party is like this. Not every show is "amazing great fun" either. I'm only listing general advantages and disadvantages. Most of the time the downside of private parties have nothing to do with the people who actually booked the event. They are often nice professional people who really want to create a kickass event but are just new to having burlesque at their events. The organizers often don't have a good grasp of what kind of acts will go over well at private events. Understandly they want to create a "WOW" moment for their attendees but due to all the aforementioned limitations with space, lighting, setup, I would say, PLAY IT SAFE and do classic, glamorous straight-up strip tease with room for improving and moving around. Nothing with a heavy narrative or proprs or that requires paying attention throughout to "get it".

The Skullduggery & Skin show in DC, Jo Boob's Coney Island Show & Beatles Burlesque #5!

The Palace of Wonders, DC

Last weekend I performed for the first time at The Palace of Wonders in our nation's capital Washington DC for Albert Cadabra's The Skullduggery & Skin Show! The last time I was in DC was 5-6 years ago when I stayed in what I called "the freaky black men sex hotel" with my high school friend Kathleen (We were not there to have freaky black men sex with each other or other people, mind you). Everyone knows Albert is a rare breed doing what he is doing. But to see him at The Palace of Wonders doing this show is truly, truly inspiring and amazing. Like seeing a thirsty (and bald) red cactus thriving in its righteous environment. First of all, the decor of the place is designed for this sideburns-wearing freak. For those of you who have not been to The Palace, it has two floors with a vaudeville-styled stage on the first floor with a full bar, and a museum-of-oddities on the second floor. There were rows of human skulls lined against the wall, a giant stuffed unicorn/goat in a glass case & a bunch of other things you'd see in a 19th century dime museum and/or a traveling circus.

Upstairs, Downstairs

I really liked the dressing room. Although small but you go through the sliding mirror closet door and voila! You are on stage. You get a really cool shadow play view behind the curtain. Very dramatic.

The man behind the curtain, Albert Cadabra!

I loved the fact that people are on the second floor watching the show and you have to play up to them too. The place was packed and the crowd was SO enthusiastic and SO pumped with energy (or alcohol, DC shuts down at 2am so people start boozing earrrly). The sounds they made during the show was like they were riding a rollercoaster! It was me, Gigi Lafemme, and BooBoo Darlin'. Gigi and I each did 2 acts, and BooBoo did her Slow Motion act that she will be doing at the NYBF in October.

What happens backstage...

Albert did 4 or 5 acts and with Ruby the Wonder Dog, his little rescue poodle mix, they were a total hit. How can you not like a vaudeville show where a man swallows a 12ft balloon, sticks his tongue in a fan, has a cute dog that jumps through a hoop of fire, and naked girls stripteasing on stage??

Stuff on the wall.

It's no wonder we made great money and it's no wonder he packs the house every month.
Albert said after the show people usually want to hang around and take pictures with us. And sure enough, we spend another hour and a half

...is a lot of this! Hahaha

posing and talking to people. An Asian woman came up to me and said she also wants to be the "Asian Sexsation"! She was very sweet and had a totally trim, cute body with skinny jeans and these sexy heels. Speaking of which, I've been meeting a lot of Asian women who approach me after shows or contact me via Facebook all saying how much they love what I'm doing and that they want to do the same thing. The word "role model" was used a few times from different people, which is so funny to me because my parent's generation would never consider stripping to be "role model"-worthy, but this new breed of Asian girls are saying fuck oppressive Asian culture! I support this wholeheartedly because speaking from experience, I was raised to feel shameful about my body and my 32D boobs. No, it does not run in the family and it's probably the American diet and hormone in the food that created these tatas. So yes, FUCK oppression!!

Ruby the Wonder Dog, so agile & well-behaved.

We drove back the same night after the show. Gigi took the first shift and we gabbed all the way, then I drove for another hour and a half and we gabbed some more. Then we were both tired and that was around 4:45am so Albert drove the rest of the way. When we got back to Brooklyn the sun was coming up. I have not seen sunrise in years. The last time was maybe when I was in Ibiza with Gisella and we were up til 11am the next morning after the foam party (don't laugh) and pills of ecstacy swearing on our love for techno music. Gasp! See kids? Stay off drugs. They'll make you think you love techno music.

Friday night before I went to DC, I performed in Jo Boob's Coney Island show called "Strip Teas: a Night of Teabagging and Other Exotic Infusions" with Nasty Canasta, Darlinda & Darlinda, Machine Dazzle and Johnny Porkpie (um, yea). I love the environment of the stage, and Rosabelle Selavy reminded me that last year I was kittening as the bad French Maid for the same show, and this year Rosabelle also dressed as a bad French maid.

Coney Island Circus Sideshow, 2009

Porkpie, Machine, & Rosabelle's naughtier French maid - 2010.

Everyone's names had the letter "T" or sounded tea-related. I was "Calami-tea" and did my black fan dance completely nude underneath for "nudi-tea" and I did my Hello Kit-tea/Asian Hooker act. My friend Amanda and her boy came all the way out to Coney to see the show, and I thought I heard her voice or someone screaming, "LOVE IT! LOOOOVEDarlinda pour cream out of pitchers all over her (watered down moisturizer) and the three of us were buck naked and rubbed cream all over each other. Women's bodies are so soft! When we started rubbing the cream, Jo whispered to me, "Not in the hair" which of course made me think of porn when the girls are all, "Don't cum in my hair" - but what she meant was not in her hair piece cause the oils will break down the luscious locks. HA! Thank god there is a shower at Coney cause we were covered with cream and silver glitter that Nasty, Porkpie, and Machine sprinkled on us (sugar). Michael and I went to have a drink at a boardwalk bar, and we played shoot the freak which was really bizarre. Why does the black man have to be the freak!? Just kidding. He didn't look very freakish. He looked very bored.

My outtie vagina and the rest!

This Monday night was the 5th Beatles Burlesque!!! Can you believe we are almost at the half-year mark? We are continuing on for sure. This time I had Jo Boobs, Minnie Tonka, Kita St. Cyr, and Strawberry Fields. BooBoo Darlin, my new friend from Richmond/DC, opened the show with her Isis wing dance to "Rollover Beethoven". It was packed and we had the same amount of people as all the other months. I was hugely relieved because August is typically really slow but we did well!

I joked around on stage that if people bought me tequila shots, I will take off my clothes and guess what, be careful what you banter about, cause I got 4 rounds of shots. I know Caprice bought me a shot, then Kenny. The other two I have no idea. All I know is that Lixx came backstage and said, "Girl, you better pace yourself cause you got two shots waiting for you at the bar."

August Beatles show

By the end of the show when I was supposed to do a spontaneous duet piece with Jo, I was on auto-pilot. Thank god I didn't fuck anything up and that she and I talked about what to do beforehand. Minnie better tell me exactly what transpired cause I don't remember. Or Dan better have it on film somewhere! I was just informed that I was on top of Jo eating her out. I don't recall! That's two finales where I got to grope Jo Boobs. Waa Hoo!! Is it exciting to see naked women and touching each other on stage? I personally don't find it exciting as a spectator but I'm straighter than a board, and it seems like many many people find group acts such as naked pie fight or wine bath very titillating.

Swim, Sex, Sleep, Sex Again

That about sums up the last weekend. Michael and I are going to Mexico this Friday for a week to Playa del Carmen! I was just there in May. Just a FYI, Mexico is really cheap to go right now. They are still suffering from the swine flu scare last year. All these amazing posh resort spa hotels are dirt cheap like $50 a night. Our deal was only $700 a person including airfare. SICK!! Brassy will be safeguarding my Chewie - hope nothing bad happens! I get paranoid about the little dog.

Drunken Dragon Nights, Monday, August 23!

As soon as I return from Mexico, the next show I am excited to do again is my monthly Drunken Dragon Nights at Macao Trading Company on Monday, August 23!


This month the alcohol sponsor is vodka! I like free things as do most people, that's why this late-night show is FREE with a 2 hour open bar from 9-11pm then a free show at 11pm.

My girls Gal Friday, Bird of Paradise, and Kita St Cyr are back again - and with my Captain Kitten Madame Delux (she's being promoted to Captain now), this is the show I'm SO excited about!

You can inspect me when I'm back from Mexico.

NO TAN LINES!

Eager to Lose @ The Tank, Nurse Bettie, Suicide Girl

Wednesday night I performed at Tansy's show "Eager to Lose: A Panto Burlesque" at The Tank. The show was basically a burlesque show but with an element of theater to it with back stories of the dancers and the skivvy cabaret owner. It was quasi-Christopher Isherwood short story, like burlesque meets Amistad Maupin. It has a lot of room to grown into something really other worldly especially if you are stepping off from tourists central on 45th street and 8th avenue. Tansy picked a group of really great people for her inaugural show. Gemini Rising, Albert Cadabra, Grace Gotham, two new hot gogo dancers (Lambchop and Tipsy Rose Lee) who I have already recruited to gogo at the next Beatles Burlesque show on Monday, July 12. They both have such cute names! Lambchop! Just makes you want to say it over and over again. Mint and lambchop. Chutney and lambchop. Sauteed lambchop. Lambchop on the parilla. YUMMM!!!!!!

The Tank did have a really nice black box stage and I was smitten with the floor! It was cushier than the usual shit so dancing on 5inch heels did not hurt my knees. There was a proper dressing room two flights up but the stairs are a fucking nightmare!!! Five minutes before show, Tansy almost slipped but caught herself and ended up ripping her shoulder. She did 4 acts and could barely lift her arm but she toughed it out even though she was clearly in a lot of pain. Last I heard, she's in a sling and is okay. But what a bummer, cause she was supposed to be in my Thursday night Nurse Bettie show but I had to find someone else to step in, and fortunately Scooter Pie was available.

I like this picture in particular because of how creepy Albert looks by the door. He's like, "...I'm gonna CUT CHOO fool!" Then he's like:

"WHAT! Whatchoo lookin, at fool!?"

I did my black fan number and the nun. The black fan is what I'll be doing at the Colorado Burlesque Festival NEXT weekend!! I am so excited! One of my best gf lives in Boulder and she just bought a new swanky house so I'm also excited to see her new pad, and pig out on some seitan and vegetarian food that's plenty easy to find in Boulder. I know...I really should just abandon this meat thing but I love chicken and fish too much! Altho... I do love faux-chicken too so much. Agh!! It's an existential food crisis!

I renewed my contract at the day job for another two weeks cause they really are massaging my brain in a major way that's really stimulating. But I negotiated a new term where I will not be working more than 10 hours a day, and if I go over, I can leave early the next day. This is much better. And will allow me to do my shows and see my non-burlesque friends which is becoming rarer and rarer - my guy friends don't seem to mind as much as the girl friends. I just don't have time to sit at a bar drinking for hours and I can't really eat out at restaurants 3x a week because A) it's expensive and B) restaurant food makes me gain weight in the blink of an eye. Oh well. All in all though, I am happy pursuing this path wherever it'll lead me. I'm definitely having more fun, excitement, glamour, and crazy shit than ever in my life!

Last night was the Nurse Bettie show with ALL girls, so fun! I intro-ed Weirdee Girl as "The Martha Stewart of Burlesque" because I keep seeing her do acts where she uses food on her body. One time it was cheese, last night it was cranberry sauce. Rosebud did a new act that is a fetish that really turns her on, mummifying and restriction. She used saran wrap and rolled herself into it to Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" - it was pretty awe-inspiring. I did an easy act last night, the red tequila priestess act. Craig took some photos with his phone.

Those of you who have been around the scene long enough may notice that this costume and music (Tito & Tarantula's After Dark) is exactly the same as Jo Boob's Aztec act. I did not know this when I came up with the act, which really isn't original like my equestrian act since I basically ripped off of "From Dusk til Dawn" and copied Selma Hayek's headpiece. But just for the record, I did tell Jo that I accidentally did the same act. In hers as she described in her new burlesque handbook, she wears red flame contacts. I've never seen her do this act myself, but she being the diplomatic educator, said I can go for it because she doesn't do this act very much anymore.

After the show, I met Sauci Calla Horra from Toronto! She's the one who produces the Toronto Burlesque Festival happening in a week! We talked for a long time about the different scenes, and other shows and people we knew in common. As you may or may not know, I did not get in the Toronto festival as much as I wanted to, and she and I talked about my application. She was so nice about it, even almost apologizing to me about how close I was in the process. I in turned felt bad about making her feel bad about not accepting my number. I should have submitted my nun act or hello kitty or even the equestrian bondage act, but at the time of application, I didn't have any of those acts ready. Rosewood did say to me to submit and act that is beaten up, tried and true, and not submit a new act. I should have listened to her! Anyway, I told Sauci I will definitely apply again next year and if I go to Toronto, I would love to perform anytime she wants me to. She and her partner went to see Rosewood at The Box after wards, and I texted Rose and she said she is doing a "blackface" act!! I've been dying for someone to do blackface. It's kind of an obsession of mine. Bella Balls and I joke about her doing it. So I may stop by Saturday night to see Rose do blackface - its the last frontier!

I also applied to be a Suicide Girl and was accepted. I know they are soooo late 90's but they've grown into a huge corporate money-making business selling "alternative erotica". It'll increase my visibility and get some extra money and gigs. I will be working on my set (70-100 photos) with Michael as soon as he comes back from Toronto. They have a VERY strict set of rules when it comes to the kind of photos they want. Like NO dudes. Even if they are blurry in the background. Or touching, spreading. I'm excited by this new SG venture!

Surgery

Don't worry it wasn't a big deal. It was an ugly cyst I have had on my back, on my left shoulder, for many years now. It kept getting bigger over the years and I didn't have health insurance to cover it. Finally, what drove me over the edge was constantly having to Photoshop it out of all my pictures!! That's really the only thing I have to retouch and it drove me nuts. And also having people ask me if I'm "ok" - it kind of ruins the whole glamorous night life mirage when this tumor-like thing is on your back and solicits concerned questions from strangers who are just out having a good time trying to forget reality for a night.

So it's gone! Dr. Harrison is top notch! He gave me anesthesia around the cyst then another shot that lasted longer. When he was cutting, I couldn't feel anything at all. I could feel my skin being tugged and some slight pressure, and at times, it felt like he was threading a fishing line through my skin, but there was absolutely no pain. So weird and a bit scary. It made me think of horror films (The Ruins, Tourista, two of my personal favs) where you have a few drinks somewhere and you wake up with one kidney missing! The whole thing was finished in two hours. Then when I looked on the tray, I saw my cyst!!!















It looked like a small bloody pearl onion with all this tissue wrapped around it, all gooey!! SO GROSS!!! Parts of it looked "cooked" because Dr. Harrison used a mini scorcher to stop the bleeding, and it looked, seriousy, like cooked pork chop. Same color. Same texture. SO GROSS. I had to take a picture of it! I got 4 stitches and a bandage which will come off on Thursday along with the stitches.

I'm still performing in Tansy's theater play, "Eager to Lose: a Panto Burlesque" tmrw night at 8PM, bandage and all! It sounds like a Fellini-esque production, a "behind the scenes", the makings of the makings of something, like Michael Winterbottom's Tristram Shandy - cause Tansy said it was okay for me to have the bandage and perform. I can't wait to see what this play is about! Gemini Rising, Grace Gotham, and Albert Cadabra are all in it - so I know this is gonna be fun!