The Skullduggery & Skin show in DC, Jo Boob's Coney Island Show & Beatles Burlesque #5!

The Palace of Wonders, DC

Last weekend I performed for the first time at The Palace of Wonders in our nation's capital Washington DC for Albert Cadabra's The Skullduggery & Skin Show! The last time I was in DC was 5-6 years ago when I stayed in what I called "the freaky black men sex hotel" with my high school friend Kathleen (We were not there to have freaky black men sex with each other or other people, mind you). Everyone knows Albert is a rare breed doing what he is doing. But to see him at The Palace of Wonders doing this show is truly, truly inspiring and amazing. Like seeing a thirsty (and bald) red cactus thriving in its righteous environment. First of all, the decor of the place is designed for this sideburns-wearing freak. For those of you who have not been to The Palace, it has two floors with a vaudeville-styled stage on the first floor with a full bar, and a museum-of-oddities on the second floor. There were rows of human skulls lined against the wall, a giant stuffed unicorn/goat in a glass case & a bunch of other things you'd see in a 19th century dime museum and/or a traveling circus.

Upstairs, Downstairs

I really liked the dressing room. Although small but you go through the sliding mirror closet door and voila! You are on stage. You get a really cool shadow play view behind the curtain. Very dramatic.

The man behind the curtain, Albert Cadabra!

I loved the fact that people are on the second floor watching the show and you have to play up to them too. The place was packed and the crowd was SO enthusiastic and SO pumped with energy (or alcohol, DC shuts down at 2am so people start boozing earrrly). The sounds they made during the show was like they were riding a rollercoaster! It was me, Gigi Lafemme, and BooBoo Darlin'. Gigi and I each did 2 acts, and BooBoo did her Slow Motion act that she will be doing at the NYBF in October.

What happens backstage...

Albert did 4 or 5 acts and with Ruby the Wonder Dog, his little rescue poodle mix, they were a total hit. How can you not like a vaudeville show where a man swallows a 12ft balloon, sticks his tongue in a fan, has a cute dog that jumps through a hoop of fire, and naked girls stripteasing on stage??

Stuff on the wall.

It's no wonder we made great money and it's no wonder he packs the house every month.
Albert said after the show people usually want to hang around and take pictures with us. And sure enough, we spend another hour and a half

...is a lot of this! Hahaha

posing and talking to people. An Asian woman came up to me and said she also wants to be the "Asian Sexsation"! She was very sweet and had a totally trim, cute body with skinny jeans and these sexy heels. Speaking of which, I've been meeting a lot of Asian women who approach me after shows or contact me via Facebook all saying how much they love what I'm doing and that they want to do the same thing. The word "role model" was used a few times from different people, which is so funny to me because my parent's generation would never consider stripping to be "role model"-worthy, but this new breed of Asian girls are saying fuck oppressive Asian culture! I support this wholeheartedly because speaking from experience, I was raised to feel shameful about my body and my 32D boobs. No, it does not run in the family and it's probably the American diet and hormone in the food that created these tatas. So yes, FUCK oppression!!

Ruby the Wonder Dog, so agile & well-behaved.

We drove back the same night after the show. Gigi took the first shift and we gabbed all the way, then I drove for another hour and a half and we gabbed some more. Then we were both tired and that was around 4:45am so Albert drove the rest of the way. When we got back to Brooklyn the sun was coming up. I have not seen sunrise in years. The last time was maybe when I was in Ibiza with Gisella and we were up til 11am the next morning after the foam party (don't laugh) and pills of ecstacy swearing on our love for techno music. Gasp! See kids? Stay off drugs. They'll make you think you love techno music.

Friday night before I went to DC, I performed in Jo Boob's Coney Island show called "Strip Teas: a Night of Teabagging and Other Exotic Infusions" with Nasty Canasta, Darlinda & Darlinda, Machine Dazzle and Johnny Porkpie (um, yea). I love the environment of the stage, and Rosabelle Selavy reminded me that last year I was kittening as the bad French Maid for the same show, and this year Rosabelle also dressed as a bad French maid.

Coney Island Circus Sideshow, 2009

Porkpie, Machine, & Rosabelle's naughtier French maid - 2010.

Everyone's names had the letter "T" or sounded tea-related. I was "Calami-tea" and did my black fan dance completely nude underneath for "nudi-tea" and I did my Hello Kit-tea/Asian Hooker act. My friend Amanda and her boy came all the way out to Coney to see the show, and I thought I heard her voice or someone screaming, "LOVE IT! LOOOOVEDarlinda pour cream out of pitchers all over her (watered down moisturizer) and the three of us were buck naked and rubbed cream all over each other. Women's bodies are so soft! When we started rubbing the cream, Jo whispered to me, "Not in the hair" which of course made me think of porn when the girls are all, "Don't cum in my hair" - but what she meant was not in her hair piece cause the oils will break down the luscious locks. HA! Thank god there is a shower at Coney cause we were covered with cream and silver glitter that Nasty, Porkpie, and Machine sprinkled on us (sugar). Michael and I went to have a drink at a boardwalk bar, and we played shoot the freak which was really bizarre. Why does the black man have to be the freak!? Just kidding. He didn't look very freakish. He looked very bored.

My outtie vagina and the rest!

This Monday night was the 5th Beatles Burlesque!!! Can you believe we are almost at the half-year mark? We are continuing on for sure. This time I had Jo Boobs, Minnie Tonka, Kita St. Cyr, and Strawberry Fields. BooBoo Darlin, my new friend from Richmond/DC, opened the show with her Isis wing dance to "Rollover Beethoven". It was packed and we had the same amount of people as all the other months. I was hugely relieved because August is typically really slow but we did well!

I joked around on stage that if people bought me tequila shots, I will take off my clothes and guess what, be careful what you banter about, cause I got 4 rounds of shots. I know Caprice bought me a shot, then Kenny. The other two I have no idea. All I know is that Lixx came backstage and said, "Girl, you better pace yourself cause you got two shots waiting for you at the bar."

August Beatles show

By the end of the show when I was supposed to do a spontaneous duet piece with Jo, I was on auto-pilot. Thank god I didn't fuck anything up and that she and I talked about what to do beforehand. Minnie better tell me exactly what transpired cause I don't remember. Or Dan better have it on film somewhere! I was just informed that I was on top of Jo eating her out. I don't recall! That's two finales where I got to grope Jo Boobs. Waa Hoo!! Is it exciting to see naked women and touching each other on stage? I personally don't find it exciting as a spectator but I'm straighter than a board, and it seems like many many people find group acts such as naked pie fight or wine bath very titillating.

Swim, Sex, Sleep, Sex Again

That about sums up the last weekend. Michael and I are going to Mexico this Friday for a week to Playa del Carmen! I was just there in May. Just a FYI, Mexico is really cheap to go right now. They are still suffering from the swine flu scare last year. All these amazing posh resort spa hotels are dirt cheap like $50 a night. Our deal was only $700 a person including airfare. SICK!! Brassy will be safeguarding my Chewie - hope nothing bad happens! I get paranoid about the little dog.

Drunken Dragon Nights, Monday, August 23!

As soon as I return from Mexico, the next show I am excited to do again is my monthly Drunken Dragon Nights at Macao Trading Company on Monday, August 23!


This month the alcohol sponsor is vodka! I like free things as do most people, that's why this late-night show is FREE with a 2 hour open bar from 9-11pm then a free show at 11pm.

My girls Gal Friday, Bird of Paradise, and Kita St Cyr are back again - and with my Captain Kitten Madame Delux (she's being promoted to Captain now), this is the show I'm SO excited about!

You can inspect me when I'm back from Mexico.

NO TAN LINES!

A whole lotta stuff

Tomorrow night at Nurse Bettie is going to be crazy! I can see the show becoming popular on a week to week basis. Last week, it was so packed I couldn't even move around the bar during intermission. Tomorrow night I have booked Akynos, Lil Miss Lixx, Tansy, and Brassy. I also know that my friend Kelli is having her birthday drinks there so you know it's gonna be a mad house! Maybe I should take Friday off from work? I love going out to grab a bite to eat and a few drinks to wind down after a show. Ummm tempting tempting.

Saturday night I'm doing two shows back to back. First is Alter Ego at Cain in Chelsea then right over to Floating Kabarett. I am doing Enter Sandman at both plus 2 other numbers. The act has finally come together and I am very pleased with it.

Sunday night at Dim Sum Burlesque I am having Jezebel Express, Honi Harlow, and Minnie Tonka, all new to the show at Chow. I am SO excited about this powerhouse combo and can't wait to see what they'll come up with. Honi is also in my Beatles Burlesque show at Public Assembly on April 12 - I love her! She's so great.

Many Thingingmabobs!

Finally I am plugged back in the matrix-net. Jesus! A hundred emails not downloaded from the server. Moving in the snowstorm weekend. Dealing with strict move-in hours. The last few days have been the worst ever! But now it's over and I'm relishing in living in this fanfuckintastic apartment!

So last Sunday after moving and unpacking all day, I get to Chow for the show feeling a combination of exhaustion and excitement. I didn't want to leave the house because I had just finished re-categorizing my clothes (per Michael's example) and we were just about to start on the awesome bathroom. But I knew also that taking a few hours to put on makeup, glitter, and be pretty instead of feeling grungy and dirty wearing the same pair of leggings, t-shirt, and crusty old socks for 3 days would energize me. Even though ticket sales were not where I would have liked, I was in such a motherfucking great mood I wouldn't have cared if there were only five people in the room. I haven't seen Dame's new act, Amber Ray was coming to do her lotus blossom act, Rita Menweep was doing 2 numbers, and I wanted to play with Brassy! There was a table of three cute blonde girls in the front, another table of three, a table of three Euro-looking guys in the corner who I noticed. You know how it is. You feel the crowd and you know where the warm and cold spots are. We go through the first set and everything is great. Lots of cheering and hollering with minimal burl-etiquette coaching. I'm throwing back prossecco like there's no Monday, and I'm particularly talkative on the stage ranting about "oriental revivalism" and white guys with Asian girlfriends (I, myself, am guilty as a cohort). Second set comes along and I play one of the crowd favorite games, "Put a Ring on It". For this game I pick out a couple that seem to have good body language. I have the girl come up on stage and sit in a chair. I'll skip the details but the goal is for her boyfriend to put a cock ring on the banana that is nudged between her thighs while blindfolded. I picked out this particular couple only because one of the waitstaff said to me during intermission, "If you're going to pick on anyone, pick on my friends who are sitting over there!" When her boyfriend came up and was told to put the cock ring on the banana he yanked off the flimsy ribbon blindfold, angrily repeated, "I am NOT doing this!" several times, stormed off the stage, grabbed his jacket, and walked out much to everyone's chagrin and even more so for his girlfriend who sat there flabbergasted with a banana between her legs.

I felt so bad for her. She was obviously trying to keep the peace with this man so she understandably refused to play the rest of the game and went chasing after him. It was the chasing after that resonated with me. I've been in her position before in a not-healthy relationship where the guy controlled the entire dynamic of the relationship and you never knew if you or some situation would "offend" his ego. So you end up changing who you are from how you talk to your friends, the kind of jokes that you make or make you laugh, and you slowly become what you think he wants you to be because you love him (you think you love him) and you want to do everything you can to make it work so what's a little compromise in becoming a vegetarian or not hanging out with your friends because he doesn't like them - oh no, I'm not channeling any residual resentment at all! Instead you should just say, you don't get me so take your hypocrisy and go fuck yourself . The clincher however was when he stormed out, another female audience member yelled, "Dump him!" That was priceless.

Anyway, I'm a little drunk on red wine now. Here's a picture of Dame backstage in her "Farewell My Concubine" costume. I wish I had my phone to take a picture of Ambery's outfit too. I learn so much by just watching her performe, her gestures, movements, and facial expressions. She actually kind of looks like one of those Japanese girls in Harajuku when she's all done up. Quite fascinating!


Then on Monday, I still had the day off from work (domesticity and nesting is FUN!) to help Michael put the apartment together but at night I performed in Harlow's Hideaway at Fontana's. It's a monthly variety show in the basement of the bar on Eldridge Street, and I think she is my favorite show producer. Her show packs in SO much and it's not just burlesque. There is a stand up comedian named Claudia Cogan and she is hilarious. Then there's Maddy Man & Lexi who do modern interpretations of Bible stories. They did a re-telling of Lot's Wife to Bright Eye's "Turn Around". There was Bella daBalls who sings and strips along with Honi's own singing and stripping. Amber did a bunny number to Bjork's "It's Oh So Quiet" which I would love her to do at Dim Sum and she did this trick with her boobs and tassels that I have never seen anyone do before. Minnie Tonka (I'm wearing a pair now!) and Bunny Love both did acts that were brilliant. Tigger closed the show with his magnificent self and hopped off the stage and kissed a girl, then Michael, then me. I was able to hang out for a bit after the show and talked to everyone about various difficulties of producing a show... especially the financial stress and strain. I felt much much better after that - because I wasn't sure if I'm doing something wrong or not doing something that I should be, trying various combination of how to generate more money so I can pay everyone an amount that make everyone feel happy about coming out at night and performing. In the end, I realized it's just the way it is producing shows unless you have a HUGE marketing firm behind you or a big ass funding or a rich ass patron to give you a budget to do a show weekly.

Oh, and I have cable TV now! This is the first time I've had a TV in six years. When it's on, I find it hard to motivate to do things like write, design, read, or anything at all. It's like a big bland vortex that sucks you in by its sheer blandness. Unless I'm purposely sitting down to watch something - but I don't even know what's on and when it's on. So even though I'm now living in a real adult apartment, I still spend most of the time in the studio room.