Advice for New Performers

My first kittening gig at Duane Park. Taken by Jo Weldon, Headmistress of the School of Burlesque in NYC.

The picture you see above is taken at my first stage kittening gig ever in NYC. I had just finished taking a month long course at Jo Weldon's School of Burlesque during, what I call, "The Winter of My Liberation". It was a cold, cold winter and I had broken up with someone whose name I can't even remember now (lol), so I decided to finally take action and pursue my irrepressible burlesque curiosity. Why not? I thought to myself as I perused the school's web site. Nobody can mind your bizniz when you're single and you don't have to explain nothin' to nobody! So I clicked on the submit button and started a whole new career I never thought could be mine.

A few new performers have emailed me from my Facebook account and from this blog asking for advice on how to get started on their budding burlesque career. This is definitely something I could have used more when I was starting out. If I went back in time and gave newbie me advice, I would offer the following:

1. Kittening is invaluable. That is where you are introduced to the community, to producers, seasoned performers, and other good people to know. It is also where I learned how other people produce a show from how to put things together, how to negotiate with the venue, things that you need, all the various details that make a show run smoothly. I kittened for over a year before transitioning out of kittening as a performer. Stage kittening is not a lucrative, stand around look pretty, and get drunk gig. Stage kittens get more stage time on stage than performers, they are also the direct link to the stage for performers, and they are the ones who will retrieve all the precious costume pieces back successfully. One trick I used to have when kittening longer, complicated shows is to ask each performer how many costume pieces they will discard on stage and match those numbers up. Often you are retrieving thongs and panties from dark corners so having a number to tally up for each performer really helped. I've never had a kitten lose a piece of costume until recently and it's a performer's worst heartbreak - losing an important costume piece that sometimes is impossible to recreate.

Lefty Lucy, co-producer of Drive-Thru Burlesque, founding member of StoryBook Burlesque, AND Miss Coney Island 2011, also had this to say about the value of kittening:

Stage kittening is awesome! Some people have attitude about it, but it's a wonderful way to get paid to go see a show you would have seen anyway, plus you get to hang out with the performers backstage, and your name will be in the promo material so that other performers start to hear about you more.

2. Go see the shows you want to be in. One of my biggest pet peeves is getting booking inquiries from people who have never been to any of my shows. All four of my shows vary tremendously in style and what kind of acts I can and can not book. This may be surprising to many people, but I work very hard at my relationships with the venues I work with and I book to their preference. For instance, I will never book a bloody neo-act at Hotel Chantelle's Friday night show but I will book that kind of act for Nurse Bettie on Thursdays and at Beatles Burlesque. So when someone emails me and asks to be booked at Nurse Bettie for their act that has a gigantic costume, I won't even reply because if they had taken the time to come to Nurse Bettie, they would know there is no room whatsoever for a big costume on stage or off stage.

Honi Harlow, producer and host of the Wednesday night show at Nurse Bettie and "Harlow's Hideaway" at Ella Lounge said:

It definitely helps when looking for new performers if I have meet you, and you have seen the show, the space, the vibe ect. 

  

Jo Weldon, who is many of our "first encounter" (haha), suggests:

The best way to learn about burlesque and network in the burlesque world is to just go to shows and say hello to people. Many of my students have made friends in classes and at showcases and have gone on to produce shows or create troupes with those friends.

Be willing to intern on shows in other ways than as a performer. Kitten, go-go dance, help with merch and the door. You'll learn a lot really fast.

  

Depending on how much free time and money one has in the "fun fund", going to see shows is the best way to introduce yourself to the producers. For me personally meeting someone in person will cement their names and personality in my mind more so than a Facebook "poke", know what I mean? When I first started I made a list of shows I would like to perform in and just went down the list one by one. You have to remember also that many producers (not all, some like to book the same regular performers again and again) like to book new people. New performers often bring their friends to their debut which means a bigger house which means more financial gain for everyone in the show.

Sizzle Dizzle, co-producer of Drive Thru Burlesque, agrees by saying:

Go see shows! We love seeing burly-q peeps out in the audience- the sense of community is so refreshing. Introduce yourself to the producer(s) and let them know you're interested in performing. We love new blood!

 












3. Have proper backstage behavior.  I've been lucky to have worked with performers and aspiring performers alike who have not been divas or nuisance backstage. I have heard stories however and have witness things going awry backstage. There has been plenty of times when someone is just a little too crazy, chatty, or off their rockers before and during a show - that kind of hectic energy is NOT appreciated or constructive to everyone's headspace at a show. It is NOT cute. Not cool. And NOT fabulous. I understand the excitement of working behind-the-scenes and meeting legends like World Famous Bob, Angie Pontani, Murray Hill or any of the performers one have admired from afar and now they are right in front of you. But you have to remember that this is a show and everyone is trying to bring their A-game, run through their acts, and get themselves organized. Producers usually have all of that to keep track of on top of all the other details of running the show. So offer your availability to help if they need anything, be alert and helpful, and stay out of people's way. Don't monopolize people's time backstage with endless chatter about your day, your love life, what you had for lunch - unless someone is starting the conversation and wants to chit chat with you.

A lot of backstage behavior is common sense. Observe and learn. Another interesting point that Jo mentioned that I didn't think of before is how to present yourself in front of seasoned performers. Jo adds:

Remember that they love that you love burlesque, but if you come across as too ambitious they may be uncomfortable. It may seem to you like they have burlesque on a silver platter, but everybody has to work hard to get gigs, so respect that they don't have it as easy as it may appear.

The bubbling enthusiasm of a new performer who wants to discuss her acts and ideas can sometimes be misconstrued. It's important to frame yourself in a constructive manner. Here's an example:

Bad: "OMG, I have this act where I'm wearing (fill in the blank) and I do (fill in the blank), then in the end I (fill in the blank). Isn't it awesome? I have never seen ANYONE do anything like my idea. I really think I will go far in burlesque!"

Better Way of Phrasing: "I am working on a new act that involves me doing (fill in the blank) - what do you think?"

Jo offers the following suggestion:

Get to know several experienced performers and ask them what they love to see new performers do. What they hate to see new performers do sometimes has something to do with personal issues, so frame it positively — ask them what they'd like to see and consider whether those are things that help you do what you want to do with burlesque.

In Jo's "The Burlesque Handbook" she dedicates a chapter on backstage etiquette. This is an absolute must-read. You can read some of the highlights from this chapter at her website at http://www.schoolofburlesque.com/theburlesquehandbook/excerpt.shtml 

Kittening for one of Jo's shows in Coney Island. I was a BAD maid who kept stealing other people's costumes!

4. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. My last piece of advice is to stop comparing yourself to other performers. This is applicable in all aspects of life, not just in burlesque. It's human to compare oneself to others and gauge how successful or not successful you are. But the danger is when you become angry and jealousy rears its ugly head. I've seen this happen several times in burlesque friendships. There is constructive comparison where you see something amazing and you go, "I wonder how I can elevate my act so that it's on the same level of BAM as so-and-so's act" - and I don't mean copying someone's choreography or costuming ideas. Ask yourself what makes that particular act so amazing: is it the performer's commitment to the persona? Is it the music choice? Often it is just experience and who they are that makes their act amazing. Constructive comparison also includes, "What are they doing differently that I'm not?" Perhaps that performer spends more time networking or use her nights off taking sewing or dance classes to help her create better costumes or enhance her stage presence. It could be anything. There's just no way to know scientifically or objectively. Our business is based on personal preferences stemmed from individual personal histories that have been influenced by a gazillion things. Going down the path of negative comparison and asking "Why did so-and-so get this and not me?" only breeds paranoia.

In my most defeated hour (I was this close in quitting burlesque completely in the beginning after experiencing a few rejections), I caught myself doing the "destructive comparison" - the "why her and not me" - which didn't lead to anything pro-active or made myself feel better about anything. So I sat down and took a hard, honest look and realized that I wasn't developing acts I was completely committed to. They just weren't "me".

And on this point, Vivienne Vermouth, burlesque performer and producer of Broads & Panties in my hometown Dallas, Texas and also a crazy talented makeup artist, advices:

Find the niche of burlesque that speaks to you (classic, neo, horror, etc) and really ponder, write out, and create stories to tell on stage. If you put your heart and soul into a routine, it shows, and your passion will get you booked. It also helps to go to area shows, be a supporting patron, and chat up the producers. Offer to help on a show, learn the ropes and you'll soon be in like flynt!






It may also help to take other classes to help you expand and figure things out. Jo also advices performers to take dance and theater classes as well as burlesque classes to help one grow and be inspired via other mediums.

Juliet Jeske, a chameleon hostess who used to produce Wham, Bam, Slam and a baker extraordinaire, says:

I always recommend interested performers should take classes at the NY School of Burlesque, because with a few exceptions, the quality of the performers who have taken classes is much better.  I also recommend Jo Weldon's Burlesque handbook as she gives excellent technical advice and performance etiquette.  Usually but not always, a trained performer is a better performer.  

 

5. Following Up & Promoting. So now what? You've gone and introduced yourself to the producers you want to work with, you've debuted a few time, but the bookings are still hard to come by. Here's another tip I've learned from my day career. After meeting the producer don't be afraid to send a follow-up email (just like after a job interview) and offer your availability as a kitten, gogo, or door girl, and if you have video clips of your acts, send that along with a description of what your act is. This makes the booking part of the job much easier when there are pictures and video clips to look at. I never book anyone who I have never seen perform AND doesn't have video clips to show me. Video clips can tell me a lot about a performer's ability, control, and presence on stage. Unless they are a veteran of the performance world, then obviously I won't need to see a clip. This is why I created the "sacrificial lamb" position in all my shows. It's an unpaid slot for newer performers who I haven't seen live. A way for me to get to know their style, what they are like backstage, and their acts. I appeciate all the invitation to see new performers' shows but between 2 weekly shows and 2 monthly shows on top of other people's shows that I perform in, I simply do not have the time. 

Then if you are booked for a show - PROMOTE, PROMOTE, PROMOTE! I can not say this enough and how much it makes someone stand out in my mind when they use their social media platforms smartly and push the show. As a producer this means extra to me and it shows you are computer savvy and know a thing or two about creating a buzz and fan base for yourself. (Updated: The owner of Nurse Bettie have actually just given the directive not to book performers who do not promote their booking from hence forth.) So you see, you can't just expect to show up and not promote your own show. Even Dita von Teese is super active in Twittering her tours, her brand lines, perfume, sweaters, lingerie. And Mila Jovovich too! She's constantly twittering about the film she is working on and other projects. So unless you think you are bigger than Dita or Milla, promote the event you are booked in. Start collecting emails of fans who talk to you. Send your email blasts and updates to NON-PERFORMERS. You need to target civilians who attend the show and NOT performers. I get performer updates all the time and why? I have no idea. I know who they are, and I know what they do. I don't need to know where they are performing in the month. Civilians are your fans!

Lastly, I keep in mind this little mantra all my life: Everyone has a path they are destined to be on. Don't be distracted by what's happening on other people's paths. Stay focused and work hard on yours and good things will happen.

I have also learned from my decade long designer day career that when clients don't pick my design direction it isn't personal. Some clients want a conservative blue/beige palette with a giant logo. 90% of the time it has nothing to do with the actual design aesthetic. Like the world of acting, people are cast based on their face, body types, voice, race - many things that you can't change or control which is probably why many actors are crazy and paranoid. There is almost no objectivity so you have to really watch yourself. In burlesque it is the same. Some people get booked for certain gigs because the promoters want a certain look, or frankly, they just like them better. I get booked for some gigs and not others. I don't take it personally. I'm preaching the uneasy truth, but one must try not to internalize these things. One person doesn't like you, another will. Like me, Rice University rejected me for undergrad but Cornell University accepted me. And that led me to be in NYC for the rest of my adult life. Showbiz is probably not for you if you continually feel hurt and defeated. If it's driving you crazy not knowing, you can always politely and genuinely ask the producer for constructive criticism on how to make an act more suitable for the show you want to be in.

What I Do on a Day/Night Off

I had a day off today, and by a day off, I mean a day when I didn't have to work on-site at an agency designing someone else's web site and online campaign OR rehearse for hours, spend hours sewing and embellishing a costume, or walk around the garment district looking for all the pieces I need to make a costume. What I did today, happily and wilingly without the clean police forcing me to do it, is swiffer the bedroom, bathroom, hallways, and kitchen. I also mopped the bathroom AND I am doing laundry right now at 11 pm. I also had time to go out to dinner with one of my closest girl friends at a nearby restaurant that just opened two nights ago called The Fat Radish. We sat at the bar and she knew almost everyone there fro the co-owners, the chef, to random people who came by tonight. She is in the hospitality business as are most of my non-burlesque friends. The restaurant's decor is all about texture. Exposed brick walls painted with a haphazard wash of white paint, raw wood ceilings, and big long communal farm tables. The food is interesting. It seems very farm vegetable-based. As their name suggests, there were a few pickled radish dishes that were surprisingly delicious! I totally poopoo-ed it but my friend ordered one and after I tried it, I was a radish convert. We ordered oysters, as we usually do, but the most amazing dish was the Beet Crumble!! You will not believe how delicious this dish was. It is a real crumble! A savory crumble, not like a salad crumble. The thing came out in a little baking dish with a napking wrapped around it. On the top was crumbled nuts and oats, baked in with cheddar cheese and all beet and spinach and some other root-y vegetable. It was warm, nutty, savory, and buttery. This dish further confirms my sneaking suspicion that I am INDEED a closeted vegetarian. The bartender was very attentive and kept refilling our wine glasses and bought us a round of something dark and foul looking which we turned away and asked for Campari with soda instead. Then one of her ex's came in and I really don't like this guy. He dated another friend of mine before my friend from tonight, and I've never heard anything nice about him. (Yes, women TALK to each other). Anyway - every time I see this guy at our mutual friends' parties, he acts like he doesn't know me. And likewise, I do the same. Two can play this game, and I am FAR more skilled at this ridiculous game than some guy from little town New Zealand in the big city. He's so annoying! And he's gotten way FAT with a big thick neck. I can't believe my friends slept with him. Oh, did I also mention that a while ago, he and his partner tried to hire me to design a web site for them for like 1/8 of what it would cost??? They wanted e-cards, music player, all in Flash and we had a few meetings together "shooting the shit" and now at social situations he acts like he does not know me. It's beyond stupid. You know what's stupider? His wet noodle hair.

Anyway. Before this stupid-but-sadistically-enjoyable-encounter, I was inspired today to create a new act. I won't say what it is, but it's not classic and it's not fetish or dirty. It's more dance-pop inspired and I can tell you that it's either going to be Kylie Minoque's "Speakerphone" or Goldfrapp's "Strict Machine" - I really HEART both of these songs forever and that is KEY to doing a good act. LOVE YOUR SONG TO PIECES!! I also resurrected "Enter Sandman" after it got trashed by someone who I won't mention. I brought it back last night at Gloomy Goth Girl's Hard Candy Burlesque show at The Delancey. GGG sang "Enter Sandman" LIVE while I danced. I have minimized the act - my rule nowadays is, "When in doubt, don't rely on props." So I killed the goth locket, the shroud, the feather neck thing, and the chair. I was very happy with it now and it helped to cut the 5 minute long song down to 3.5 minutes. It was really fun hanging out with her crew at The Delancey. So close to my house so I could just roll home. GGG also did an impersonation of "Calamity Chang as a host" which was essentially me drunk and taunting the audience that I will take my clothes off with the help of tequila shots. In my defense that only happened ONCE at Beatles Burlesque. And further more, I never claimed or have ever billed myself as a host in the way say, Murray Hill, World Famous BoB, or Miss Astrid, are. I host to SAVE MONEY so we split the money one person less. I will claim to be a producer and a performer, two facets that I love more than hosting. So, although the impersonation was funny, I felt that I needed to explain myself so that no one has the wrong impression of what I want to accomplish. (Love you, JJ!) Here's a picture of me in my gothy-hair MU. You can't really tell from this picture cause of the lighting but my hair is teased out really big and I have sparkly blue eye make up all around and pale lips.

Backstage at The Delancey for Hard Candy Burlesque

Monday night's Beatles Burlesque was rained out! Or, I should say, hailed out. Everyone was telling me about tennis ball-sized hails coming down. Of course it was sunny all bloody day and right at 8pm, the rain started. This month's show was very tulmultuous from the beginning. First our guitarist Michael Webb is out of the country in Berlin working on a shoot for the new movie Three Musketeers with Milla Jovovich and Orlando Bloom. Then our drummer Matt Egan is working on a big deadline design project and his other band Made Out of Babies were in town to record. Honestly, I wanted to cancel the October show for financial reasons.

**** DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT PRODUCER WOES OR IF YOU THINK IT'S UNKOSHER TO TALK ABOUT VENUES AND WHAT THEY CHARGE AND WHAT WE MAKE AT THE END OF THE SHOW. IF YOU READ ON, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK AND DON'T BITCH TO ME ABOUT REVEALING MY WOES AS A PRODUCER IN THIS BUSINESS ****

I am NOT making money at this show. I have never made any or even broken even. This is a pure passion project because I love seeing how much people love it, seeing the band really take a claim to what they are doing, seeing how performers interpret the Beatles, and the enthusiasm the public has towards the show. It's gotten mentioned recently in Metromix - the grandmama of all night life activities - and in NYPost. However, just because your show gets press or thrown a dog bone does not mean you are gonna get bodies out to Williamsburg on a Monday "work night". And at 10pm. Plus the venue takes a cut AND house fees. It kills me. And it's a split of 9. Four members in the band which can't be minimized, 4 burlesque performers, and myself. The last couple of shows I have not paid myself or Michael or Honi - we've discussed this arrangement before and we got each other's backs as friends. But this isn't even counting all the promotional work I do like design and maintain the show web site, buy Facebook ads for the show every month, postcard/poster costs, and not to mention the band members putting money out of their pockets to rent rehearsal space. Some venues will let you use their space during the day to rehearse but not this one. Anyway so the rain really fucking bummed me out and not having Michael there to cheer me on, bummed me out more. Okay so back to the trials of doing this month's show. We ask Carl, the guitarist, who stood in for Michael before. He agrees to do it. Then we find another drummer. Then two hours later the drummer retracts his involvement claiming he fucked up his schedule (LAME and in my book NOT an excuse!!!). Again, I suggest we cancel the show this month. No one wants to. We find another drummer through Carl who is totally down for learning all the songs lickety split. They rehearse and rehearse and I'm feeling good. The night before Monday night, Brassy calls and tells me she's lost her voice due to inexplicable reasons. I'm beyond pissed at this point. I just want to get it over with. As a producer, you often feel like you have to be a mother. She has no replacement for me. I'm on videoChat with Michael in Berlin fucking stressed out of my mind, and then he suggested asking Bastard Keith to do all the vocals! Brilliant!!! Especially since BK and I have already been discussing which month he should come and sing/guest host the show. This was perfect and maybe it was meant to be for this month. The man pulled a miracle overnight and learned all 10-12 songs and showed up at 730 for sound check and fucking saved the night. I was very happy to hear the songs sang by a man - it was a really nice change. Anita Cookie also sang "Oh Darlin" and holy crap, that girl can sing! I knew she danced and sang with Kenball but this was such a delightful surprise. Maine Attraction also fuckin brought it. I've never seen her do acts like this, where it's more contemporary (well 60s-70s) and she looked fucking HOT with that long hippie wig. All in all the show was GREAT. BK was GREAT. Carl and Mike T were GREAT. Kenball was GREAT. Runaround Sue was GREAT and GoGo Harder my big "if I was a gay man I want to sleep with him" crush-du-jour was AMAZING. That body just won't quit!! Moneywise, it sucked dick balls. I woke up the next morning with a new plan in mind and it is now in action. I will know in a couple days where the chips will fall. The show has been there for 7 months now and I would like to keep it there if things go my way. But I am a pragmatist at heart and centuries of Chinese money-saving ancestors are not going to let me make a stupid financial decision. Here's a picture of me pre-show in a different outfit than what I usually wear at Beatles:

This Saturday night is "Spreading the Curtains" at Coco de Mer again! This month I will be working with Gigi Lafemme and Sapphire Jones. I've recently started working with Ms. Jones from performing at Doc Wasabassco's Revealed and City Winery shows. She and I share the love for feather tattoos. The three of us are working on a pretty cool group finale to a song that's been on my mind for a long time. It's a little conceptual and my critique of "fashion". You'll have to come to see it! As usual, 42Below will be on hand with the all night open bar along with The Naughty Housewife's delicious baked treats. The cost is only $25 when you think about it, that's two cocktails at any other place in SoHo. The show starts at 8pm pretty promptly and is over by 930pm at the latest. Still early enough for everyone to do whatever else they have planned. Who goes to a party before 930 anyway?

Ah, my laundry is done now! I've been letting Chewie sleep in bed with me since Michael is LOATH to have dog hair on the black comforter. But what I'm doing is I wash the sheets the day before he comes back so he'll never know! WA HA HA!

Before I sign off, one last imagery that inspires me. This is Bai Guang, one of the most famous sirens from 1930s Shanghai. I have an act to her song "Flame of Love."

Bai Guang 1920