Aug 10, 2010

Someone Please Tell Me Why I Have This Recurring Dream

Waah, Waah
The other morning I woke up crying because I had the same dream again. In the dream, Michael and I got into a fight or something and he moved out. Then I heard through friends that he hooked up with another girl already and I was heartbroken. I felt SO sad in the dream and overwhelmed with this feeling of DOOM, a distinct feeling that "happiness" was over, and I couldn't believe that happiness was over!! And I thought to myself (in the dream) that I couldn't possibly do Beatles Burlesque the next day knowing that he was going to be there and still try to be fun and energetic as the hostess. And I also remembered that we were supposed to go to Paris for a week and I didn't know what I was going to do with the plane ticket and hotel reservation, all already paid for. So I started to call Brassy to tell her about what happened and that I couldn't do the show - that was when I woke up crying and etc.

Here's the rub. I've had this same kind of dream for as long as I can remember with every boyfriend. It's always the same scenario. A betrayal, a truth revealed, or a change in affection towards me. None of the boyfriends I've had cheated on me (that I know of, at least, ha ha), nor are my parents divorced or dysfunctional. Chinese families are typically pretty nuclear, supportive and normal. So I have no idea why I always have this same kind of dreams. Even with the kindest, nicest, most "do-right" boyfriends, I still had the same dream. The only thing I can think of is maybe this is my subconscious mind's way to dealing with my "trust issues" - I say that with quotes because it's so stupid and such a cliche phrase a quick-fix answer to a more interesting analysis. It's almost as bad as saying, "intimacy issues" - it just sounds like something out of Sex in the City! Anyway, when I wake up I always feel enormous relief that none of it was real. And nobody hurt anyone. Maybe my brain is trying to tell me that I shouldn't anticipate for the worst all the time?

Any budding dream psychiatrists out there?

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