Chewie Stealing Chicken Bones

I had FUUUUNN at Nurse Bettie last night. First, Time Out's supplement issue is featuring me as one of the four people who have "changed careers" so Tory the photographer came over around 7pm to shadow me as I got ready and put makeup on. Except she was a bit early so when she rang the doorbell, I was still napping and had no makeup on at all which is so taboo to me to be photographed sans makeup. We got along really great right away so I had no problem being natural and pretending she wasn't there.

We got to Nurse Bettie on the early side so she can shoot more photos of me in the bathroom getting ready some more. There were two birthdays and a bachelor party, andit was packed at 9pm. I feel like I haven't been there in a long time and really missed it! Peekaboo Pointe performed last night, the first time with me at Spanking the Lower East Side. She's in-demand and super busy with her "Best Night of Your Fucking Life" tour with Mr. Law and Lil Miss Lixx. She worked that little bar! I also had Deity who wore this amazing real chain mail top and bottom and stepped on a plate of strawberries on a plate and licked it off her own feet. We talked about fetishes after the show while eating the birthday girls' raspberry chocolate cake, and I told her about my animal, er, interests. Ha ha. I have a new act about cats and shaving that I wanted to do for this month's show at Coco de Mer, but Simon felt like I should save it for August so alas, I will save it for August.

This past Monday night was Honi Harlow's show at Fontana's. This one was a special show because Russell Simmons was there taping an episode for his reality show. Anyway, I was watching Kimora's reality show when I was in Denver and I just learned that she is now developing all these super high-end (expensive) jewelry for the Hello Kitty line! These things are like $1000! This, for instance, is priced at almost $2,000:

If this isn't the absolute whoring of a brand and archetype, I don't know what is! Anyway, so Honi and the intern they were filming had already told Simmons that I was the opening act, doing Hello Kitty/Asian Hooker! He was excited to see it so we waited until he was ready before I opened the show (I had to open because we had to go to Beatles Burlesque at Public Assembly right after). The act went really well (no backwards dancing this time), and me and Ticket to Ride scurried over to PA right away. Later, I heard from Caprice and Cesar that Honi had said during the show that Russell Simmon's new girlfriend (Korean, of course) was offended by my act. Kudos for me!! It's good to offend especially if it's people who are not of your ilk. Later I found out some more, apparently she was also offended that he brought her to Chinatown! Sounds like girlfriend's got an Asian chip on her shoulder.

Beatles Burlesque was off-the-hook!! This show is so my baby. Well, Nurse Bettie is too as is Coco de Mer and Macao Trading Company. I was so excited to have Nasty there and Darlinda!!! They were amazing and Jenny C'est Quoi - so talented. Miz Margo transformed herself from her Goth look to this 1970's suit lady. Beelzebabe was the sacrificial lamb and opened the show with a modified black fan dance. I tried to remember what everyone did, but I accidentally got too drunk (didn't have time to eat dinner) and I tricked a couple of guys in the audience to buy me shots if I took off my dress (the same shiny silver one that I posted about earlier). I'm going to be wearing this dress to EVERYTHING to get my $400 worth. (yes...it was that much but it's worth it!!!) I do remember taking off my dress at the very end of the show and crawling up to Brassy from the side stairs as she was singing "Live and Let Die" and then licking her leg? It was fabulous, fabulous fun. We went to eat at Doner afterwards with Brassy and Michael's friends. Around 330am, I realized there was no way I could go to work the next day so I had to email and say I wasn't coming in. Next time, I am NOT scheduling a work day the day after a show like that.

All this happened the day I returned from the Colorado Burlesque Festival. I had such a STUPENDOUS time there, it was both a combination of relaxation (hanging with Gisella in Boulder, eating tempeh and seitan, going to the lake with her new puppy, and not wearing make up and the same t-shirt for days) -

Gisella's awesome new house! I love staying here!


Coco her dog.

- And excitement at the festival being glammed up and performing. The women (Fannie Spankings, Lola Spitfire, and Midnight Martini) who organized this first annual festival were so nice, talented, and certainly knew how to create an amazing line-up. The headliners were Michelle L'amour, Tigger!, and Trixie Little & Evil Hate Monkey. I was particularly moved by the performances of Takka a belly dancer from Denver, Midnite Martini, and Michelle L'Amour.


I think she's half-Japanese or Japanese and I thought she was so pretty and exotic. She was so nice too, and she had a body that was just fucking insane!!!


Midnite Martini is a true artist. Her aerial work is stunning, elegant, and a virtuoso performance of athleticism and beauty.


Anybody who have seen Michelle L'Amour's white fan dance tribute to Sally Rand will know what I mean when I say that her performance, persona, stage presence, sheer ethereal beauty will move you to tears. She was a vision of grace, beauty, and things long gone and watching this act can make you feel sad.

My black fan dance is nothing compared to hers. I learned a lot from watching her and other performers. My favorite part of the the entire experience, I have to say, is meeting all these fabulous new people from all over the US. Honey Lawless from SF, Freya from Tennessee, Liam Sullivan (aka Kelly Shoes) who was our MC. It was inspiring in the way that made me feel like I don't have to stay in NYC to do burlesque. I want to perform and communicate an idea. And if there's an audience who wants to see, that's what matters most to me. Not which "city" is attached to the name. I love to travel and I didn't travel for a year because I didn't want to stop performing even for two weeks. But now, I feel like my horizon and perspective have expanded thanks to my experience at the festival. I was also very impressed by Big Mama Red being our "dressing room sponsor" - that meant we had a fridge stocked full of wine, beer, champagne, plus food catered by Jonesy's including seafood sandwich, sliders, cheese plate, and a plethora of other stuff that I was too scared to nibble on before I went on.


Umm alcohol. My friend...


Umm cupcakes and candy. My enemies...


Tigger! having a handful of Calamity.

Chicava Honeychild also from NYC but who is originally from Boulder, Colorado was also at the festival. We both decided that next time we should stay in Denver at the hotel where everyone is staying. Her mom saw her Hot Science act for the first time ever at the festival. It was like her coming-out show. Her mom apparently loved it and said she liked my fan dance too.

Since being back in NYC, I've hit the ground running. I am also expanding the performers I book at Nurse Bettie. Now that the Slipper Room has closed, I feel like there are a lot of performers who were doing regular gigs there but now are free to take other gigs. I can't pay them as well but if they are willing, I'm willing! I am also implement a "Sacrificial Lamb" program at Nurse Bettie - for newbies who have performed under 20times to gain more stage and live audience experience. It's unpaid but for the exposure, it's worth it. Believe me, I came from that route too back when I only performed once a month, but I would rehearse and rehearse all month in preparation for that ONE act in one night. Then when I finally was on stage doing the act, things would always go unexpectedly such as wardrobe malfunction, different crowd than expected, or just nerves. I am a big proponent of gaining as much live experience as possible. It gives you more improvisation skills which ultimately makes you a more confident performer at ease in any space and with any crowd.

(Cold beer in an air-conditioned is so good! I'm drinking a bud select 55 as I'm blogging. its only 55 calories! Michael is drinking something called Natural Light on the other side of the room watching P90X)

A few of us involved in Beatles Burlesque worked on some logo explorations for Juliet Jeske's bakery busines, "Sure Thing: Sweets & Treats". I agreed to create a logo brand for her, design and build a web site for her in exchange for 4-5 batches of Beatles Burlesque cookies to give out at the shows. At the last gig, they were gone in no time! I didn't even get to keep one. So the logos look like this:

I'm not going to say who did what, but can you guess? Haha. Ask Juliet which one she picked. The web site will be coming soon!

We just ordered from Domino's pizza tonight. Now, I was a total Domino's Pizza hater. I thought the food was disgusting and I haven't had it since I left Texas after high school. I've only ever ordered it once in all 11 years in NYC and it was terrible! But a few months ago, I went on their web site and I was so IMPRESSED with their site interface and the OMG-online ordering Flash interface! It lets you customize your own pizza, choose a coupon, choose the toppings and you see pictures of your topping animate in on the pizza! Big buttons. I love big buttons. Graphics that explain everything. Great iconography. After you submit your order, it gives you a tracker of whether your pizza is being prepared, baked, or out for delivery. And even gives you the name of the delivery guy! Like "How was Luis in getting your order to you?"

What a great online experience! This beats calling on the phone to order delivery! The interface was big and easy to use. And for some reason being able to click on "Spinach" and see little pieces of spinach appear on the pizza was an extremely rewarding user experience.

Last notes: I think Chewie waited til we were asleep and sauntered into the living room where a chicken bone was on the low table top, and ate it! We couldn't find the bone anywhere today. Also finally tried out DBGB Tuesday night. I didn't order the burger but I got a sausage and that was delicious. But I ate too late and that always gives me a stomach ache in the middle of the night always around 3am. DBGB does have great restrooms for a public shag though, after Double Crown/Madame Geneva. :)

On my way to the Colorado Burlesque Festival, but first, a funny story.

Note: Some people have asked me how to get tickets to Monday July 12's Beatles Burlesque show. You don't need to get advance tickets. Public Assembly is first come, first serve. Cash at the door. Just show up when doors open at 9pm and pay then. Come early to get a good seat to enjoy the gogo team at 930pm and the show starts at 10pm! It's a big line-up and big sets! For line-up and directions, go to http://www.BeatlesBurlesque.com

On Monday night, I was in Broadway Brassy and Shelly the Singing Siren's "From Trashy to Classy" show at Public Assembly. We had a lot of things against us. The L train wasn't working. It was the long weekend after July 4th when most people were probably just getting back into the city. AND - Faith No More was playing down at the waterfront. I knew this going in, so I still had a lot of fun backstage with Strawberry Fields, Honey Birdette, and Gemini Rising. Shelly and Brassy's banter on stage was on point and very funny. They really should be reviewed by Pitchfork or Sasha Frere Jones. Hello, Sasha. If you are reading this, you must hear either or both of them! Call me I'll hook you up.

For my classy act, I did my popular black fan dance to the 1930s Japanese cover of "St Louis Blues". That went great as usual. I love this act and it's one of my oldest acts, but when it came time to do my trashy act which is much newer and still a lot of be worked out, I did the Asian Hooker/Hello Kitty act. Those of you who have seen this act know the size of the foam head. What you may or may not know is that I can not see anything at all! The eyes are open with mesh covering but they are so far apart it doesn't help me see anything at all. So what I sse in front of me is this:


Because of those four steps to the stage and because the curtains were not closing before each act, Gemini Rising had to lead me by hand up to the stage. Which was fine cause it works with the character. I asked her to leave me in the middle of the stage, and she does. But I wanted to try bigger movements and this new choreography that night, and I did. I turned around and around and around - doing my thing la la la - the gloves come off, the dress comes off, then I'm down to panties and bra. I unzip my bra, nothing is happening. No one is cheering. So I'm thinking its because the turn out is so small so no biggie. I keep going, so when the big reveal comes and I yank off the foamhead and swish my hair in a way that I thought was glamorous and uber-sexy...I realize that I had gotten myself so turned around that I was facing the BACK of the stage!!! So instead of seeing this when the foam head came off:

I saw this:


No wonder no one cheered when my top came off! SO yes, for the fifteen people who were there to witness this hysterical moment in my burlesque life so far - that was what was REALLY going on eventhough it may not have looked like it if you haven't seen the act before. I still laugh when I think about it.

I just finished packing and am going to the airport. I am so excited to meet all these people that I've only have been corresponding with like Fannie Spankings, Midnight Martini (whose aerial work looks amazing), and take Tigger!'s class and Scarlett Letter's "Dancing in Shoes you Shouldn't be Walking in". Plus I get to see G's brand new swanky house! And go to the mall, TJMaxx, Mac Makeup, get sushi and the usual stuff we do when I go to Boulder. I don't want to run into someone there though...what a big mistake that was from two years ago. GROSS. I want to vomit just thinking about it!! I will be blogging and taking lots of photos - trying out a "travel-logue" kind of thing for this weekend. (Stretching arms) trying out my journalistic chops.

I will be twittering too on the fly! Follow me there.

Many Thingingmabobs!

Finally I am plugged back in the matrix-net. Jesus! A hundred emails not downloaded from the server. Moving in the snowstorm weekend. Dealing with strict move-in hours. The last few days have been the worst ever! But now it's over and I'm relishing in living in this fanfuckintastic apartment!

So last Sunday after moving and unpacking all day, I get to Chow for the show feeling a combination of exhaustion and excitement. I didn't want to leave the house because I had just finished re-categorizing my clothes (per Michael's example) and we were just about to start on the awesome bathroom. But I knew also that taking a few hours to put on makeup, glitter, and be pretty instead of feeling grungy and dirty wearing the same pair of leggings, t-shirt, and crusty old socks for 3 days would energize me. Even though ticket sales were not where I would have liked, I was in such a motherfucking great mood I wouldn't have cared if there were only five people in the room. I haven't seen Dame's new act, Amber Ray was coming to do her lotus blossom act, Rita Menweep was doing 2 numbers, and I wanted to play with Brassy! There was a table of three cute blonde girls in the front, another table of three, a table of three Euro-looking guys in the corner who I noticed. You know how it is. You feel the crowd and you know where the warm and cold spots are. We go through the first set and everything is great. Lots of cheering and hollering with minimal burl-etiquette coaching. I'm throwing back prossecco like there's no Monday, and I'm particularly talkative on the stage ranting about "oriental revivalism" and white guys with Asian girlfriends (I, myself, am guilty as a cohort). Second set comes along and I play one of the crowd favorite games, "Put a Ring on It". For this game I pick out a couple that seem to have good body language. I have the girl come up on stage and sit in a chair. I'll skip the details but the goal is for her boyfriend to put a cock ring on the banana that is nudged between her thighs while blindfolded. I picked out this particular couple only because one of the waitstaff said to me during intermission, "If you're going to pick on anyone, pick on my friends who are sitting over there!" When her boyfriend came up and was told to put the cock ring on the banana he yanked off the flimsy ribbon blindfold, angrily repeated, "I am NOT doing this!" several times, stormed off the stage, grabbed his jacket, and walked out much to everyone's chagrin and even more so for his girlfriend who sat there flabbergasted with a banana between her legs.

I felt so bad for her. She was obviously trying to keep the peace with this man so she understandably refused to play the rest of the game and went chasing after him. It was the chasing after that resonated with me. I've been in her position before in a not-healthy relationship where the guy controlled the entire dynamic of the relationship and you never knew if you or some situation would "offend" his ego. So you end up changing who you are from how you talk to your friends, the kind of jokes that you make or make you laugh, and you slowly become what you think he wants you to be because you love him (you think you love him) and you want to do everything you can to make it work so what's a little compromise in becoming a vegetarian or not hanging out with your friends because he doesn't like them - oh no, I'm not channeling any residual resentment at all! Instead you should just say, you don't get me so take your hypocrisy and go fuck yourself . The clincher however was when he stormed out, another female audience member yelled, "Dump him!" That was priceless.

Anyway, I'm a little drunk on red wine now. Here's a picture of Dame backstage in her "Farewell My Concubine" costume. I wish I had my phone to take a picture of Ambery's outfit too. I learn so much by just watching her performe, her gestures, movements, and facial expressions. She actually kind of looks like one of those Japanese girls in Harajuku when she's all done up. Quite fascinating!


Then on Monday, I still had the day off from work (domesticity and nesting is FUN!) to help Michael put the apartment together but at night I performed in Harlow's Hideaway at Fontana's. It's a monthly variety show in the basement of the bar on Eldridge Street, and I think she is my favorite show producer. Her show packs in SO much and it's not just burlesque. There is a stand up comedian named Claudia Cogan and she is hilarious. Then there's Maddy Man & Lexi who do modern interpretations of Bible stories. They did a re-telling of Lot's Wife to Bright Eye's "Turn Around". There was Bella daBalls who sings and strips along with Honi's own singing and stripping. Amber did a bunny number to Bjork's "It's Oh So Quiet" which I would love her to do at Dim Sum and she did this trick with her boobs and tassels that I have never seen anyone do before. Minnie Tonka (I'm wearing a pair now!) and Bunny Love both did acts that were brilliant. Tigger closed the show with his magnificent self and hopped off the stage and kissed a girl, then Michael, then me. I was able to hang out for a bit after the show and talked to everyone about various difficulties of producing a show... especially the financial stress and strain. I felt much much better after that - because I wasn't sure if I'm doing something wrong or not doing something that I should be, trying various combination of how to generate more money so I can pay everyone an amount that make everyone feel happy about coming out at night and performing. In the end, I realized it's just the way it is producing shows unless you have a HUGE marketing firm behind you or a big ass funding or a rich ass patron to give you a budget to do a show weekly.

Oh, and I have cable TV now! This is the first time I've had a TV in six years. When it's on, I find it hard to motivate to do things like write, design, read, or anything at all. It's like a big bland vortex that sucks you in by its sheer blandness. Unless I'm purposely sitting down to watch something - but I don't even know what's on and when it's on. So even though I'm now living in a real adult apartment, I still spend most of the time in the studio room.