Advice for New Performers

My first kittening gig at Duane Park. Taken by Jo Weldon, Headmistress of the School of Burlesque in NYC.

The picture you see above is taken at my first stage kittening gig ever in NYC. I had just finished taking a month long course at Jo Weldon's School of Burlesque during, what I call, "The Winter of My Liberation". It was a cold, cold winter and I had broken up with someone whose name I can't even remember now (lol), so I decided to finally take action and pursue my irrepressible burlesque curiosity. Why not? I thought to myself as I perused the school's web site. Nobody can mind your bizniz when you're single and you don't have to explain nothin' to nobody! So I clicked on the submit button and started a whole new career I never thought could be mine.

A few new performers have emailed me from my Facebook account and from this blog asking for advice on how to get started on their budding burlesque career. This is definitely something I could have used more when I was starting out. If I went back in time and gave newbie me advice, I would offer the following:

1. Kittening is invaluable. That is where you are introduced to the community, to producers, seasoned performers, and other good people to know. It is also where I learned how other people produce a show from how to put things together, how to negotiate with the venue, things that you need, all the various details that make a show run smoothly. I kittened for over a year before transitioning out of kittening as a performer. Stage kittening is not a lucrative, stand around look pretty, and get drunk gig. Stage kittens get more stage time on stage than performers, they are also the direct link to the stage for performers, and they are the ones who will retrieve all the precious costume pieces back successfully. One trick I used to have when kittening longer, complicated shows is to ask each performer how many costume pieces they will discard on stage and match those numbers up. Often you are retrieving thongs and panties from dark corners so having a number to tally up for each performer really helped. I've never had a kitten lose a piece of costume until recently and it's a performer's worst heartbreak - losing an important costume piece that sometimes is impossible to recreate.

Lefty Lucy, co-producer of Drive-Thru Burlesque, founding member of StoryBook Burlesque, AND Miss Coney Island 2011, also had this to say about the value of kittening:

Stage kittening is awesome! Some people have attitude about it, but it's a wonderful way to get paid to go see a show you would have seen anyway, plus you get to hang out with the performers backstage, and your name will be in the promo material so that other performers start to hear about you more.

2. Go see the shows you want to be in. One of my biggest pet peeves is getting booking inquiries from people who have never been to any of my shows. All four of my shows vary tremendously in style and what kind of acts I can and can not book. This may be surprising to many people, but I work very hard at my relationships with the venues I work with and I book to their preference. For instance, I will never book a bloody neo-act at Hotel Chantelle's Friday night show but I will book that kind of act for Nurse Bettie on Thursdays and at Beatles Burlesque. So when someone emails me and asks to be booked at Nurse Bettie for their act that has a gigantic costume, I won't even reply because if they had taken the time to come to Nurse Bettie, they would know there is no room whatsoever for a big costume on stage or off stage.

Honi Harlow, producer and host of the Wednesday night show at Nurse Bettie and "Harlow's Hideaway" at Ella Lounge said:

It definitely helps when looking for new performers if I have meet you, and you have seen the show, the space, the vibe ect. 

  

Jo Weldon, who is many of our "first encounter" (haha), suggests:

The best way to learn about burlesque and network in the burlesque world is to just go to shows and say hello to people. Many of my students have made friends in classes and at showcases and have gone on to produce shows or create troupes with those friends.

Be willing to intern on shows in other ways than as a performer. Kitten, go-go dance, help with merch and the door. You'll learn a lot really fast.

  

Depending on how much free time and money one has in the "fun fund", going to see shows is the best way to introduce yourself to the producers. For me personally meeting someone in person will cement their names and personality in my mind more so than a Facebook "poke", know what I mean? When I first started I made a list of shows I would like to perform in and just went down the list one by one. You have to remember also that many producers (not all, some like to book the same regular performers again and again) like to book new people. New performers often bring their friends to their debut which means a bigger house which means more financial gain for everyone in the show.

Sizzle Dizzle, co-producer of Drive Thru Burlesque, agrees by saying:

Go see shows! We love seeing burly-q peeps out in the audience- the sense of community is so refreshing. Introduce yourself to the producer(s) and let them know you're interested in performing. We love new blood!

 












3. Have proper backstage behavior.  I've been lucky to have worked with performers and aspiring performers alike who have not been divas or nuisance backstage. I have heard stories however and have witness things going awry backstage. There has been plenty of times when someone is just a little too crazy, chatty, or off their rockers before and during a show - that kind of hectic energy is NOT appreciated or constructive to everyone's headspace at a show. It is NOT cute. Not cool. And NOT fabulous. I understand the excitement of working behind-the-scenes and meeting legends like World Famous Bob, Angie Pontani, Murray Hill or any of the performers one have admired from afar and now they are right in front of you. But you have to remember that this is a show and everyone is trying to bring their A-game, run through their acts, and get themselves organized. Producers usually have all of that to keep track of on top of all the other details of running the show. So offer your availability to help if they need anything, be alert and helpful, and stay out of people's way. Don't monopolize people's time backstage with endless chatter about your day, your love life, what you had for lunch - unless someone is starting the conversation and wants to chit chat with you.

A lot of backstage behavior is common sense. Observe and learn. Another interesting point that Jo mentioned that I didn't think of before is how to present yourself in front of seasoned performers. Jo adds:

Remember that they love that you love burlesque, but if you come across as too ambitious they may be uncomfortable. It may seem to you like they have burlesque on a silver platter, but everybody has to work hard to get gigs, so respect that they don't have it as easy as it may appear.

The bubbling enthusiasm of a new performer who wants to discuss her acts and ideas can sometimes be misconstrued. It's important to frame yourself in a constructive manner. Here's an example:

Bad: "OMG, I have this act where I'm wearing (fill in the blank) and I do (fill in the blank), then in the end I (fill in the blank). Isn't it awesome? I have never seen ANYONE do anything like my idea. I really think I will go far in burlesque!"

Better Way of Phrasing: "I am working on a new act that involves me doing (fill in the blank) - what do you think?"

Jo offers the following suggestion:

Get to know several experienced performers and ask them what they love to see new performers do. What they hate to see new performers do sometimes has something to do with personal issues, so frame it positively — ask them what they'd like to see and consider whether those are things that help you do what you want to do with burlesque.

In Jo's "The Burlesque Handbook" she dedicates a chapter on backstage etiquette. This is an absolute must-read. You can read some of the highlights from this chapter at her website at http://www.schoolofburlesque.com/theburlesquehandbook/excerpt.shtml 

Kittening for one of Jo's shows in Coney Island. I was a BAD maid who kept stealing other people's costumes!

4. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. My last piece of advice is to stop comparing yourself to other performers. This is applicable in all aspects of life, not just in burlesque. It's human to compare oneself to others and gauge how successful or not successful you are. But the danger is when you become angry and jealousy rears its ugly head. I've seen this happen several times in burlesque friendships. There is constructive comparison where you see something amazing and you go, "I wonder how I can elevate my act so that it's on the same level of BAM as so-and-so's act" - and I don't mean copying someone's choreography or costuming ideas. Ask yourself what makes that particular act so amazing: is it the performer's commitment to the persona? Is it the music choice? Often it is just experience and who they are that makes their act amazing. Constructive comparison also includes, "What are they doing differently that I'm not?" Perhaps that performer spends more time networking or use her nights off taking sewing or dance classes to help her create better costumes or enhance her stage presence. It could be anything. There's just no way to know scientifically or objectively. Our business is based on personal preferences stemmed from individual personal histories that have been influenced by a gazillion things. Going down the path of negative comparison and asking "Why did so-and-so get this and not me?" only breeds paranoia.

In my most defeated hour (I was this close in quitting burlesque completely in the beginning after experiencing a few rejections), I caught myself doing the "destructive comparison" - the "why her and not me" - which didn't lead to anything pro-active or made myself feel better about anything. So I sat down and took a hard, honest look and realized that I wasn't developing acts I was completely committed to. They just weren't "me".

And on this point, Vivienne Vermouth, burlesque performer and producer of Broads & Panties in my hometown Dallas, Texas and also a crazy talented makeup artist, advices:

Find the niche of burlesque that speaks to you (classic, neo, horror, etc) and really ponder, write out, and create stories to tell on stage. If you put your heart and soul into a routine, it shows, and your passion will get you booked. It also helps to go to area shows, be a supporting patron, and chat up the producers. Offer to help on a show, learn the ropes and you'll soon be in like flynt!






It may also help to take other classes to help you expand and figure things out. Jo also advices performers to take dance and theater classes as well as burlesque classes to help one grow and be inspired via other mediums.

Juliet Jeske, a chameleon hostess who used to produce Wham, Bam, Slam and a baker extraordinaire, says:

I always recommend interested performers should take classes at the NY School of Burlesque, because with a few exceptions, the quality of the performers who have taken classes is much better.  I also recommend Jo Weldon's Burlesque handbook as she gives excellent technical advice and performance etiquette.  Usually but not always, a trained performer is a better performer.  

 

5. Following Up & Promoting. So now what? You've gone and introduced yourself to the producers you want to work with, you've debuted a few time, but the bookings are still hard to come by. Here's another tip I've learned from my day career. After meeting the producer don't be afraid to send a follow-up email (just like after a job interview) and offer your availability as a kitten, gogo, or door girl, and if you have video clips of your acts, send that along with a description of what your act is. This makes the booking part of the job much easier when there are pictures and video clips to look at. I never book anyone who I have never seen perform AND doesn't have video clips to show me. Video clips can tell me a lot about a performer's ability, control, and presence on stage. Unless they are a veteran of the performance world, then obviously I won't need to see a clip. This is why I created the "sacrificial lamb" position in all my shows. It's an unpaid slot for newer performers who I haven't seen live. A way for me to get to know their style, what they are like backstage, and their acts. I appeciate all the invitation to see new performers' shows but between 2 weekly shows and 2 monthly shows on top of other people's shows that I perform in, I simply do not have the time. 

Then if you are booked for a show - PROMOTE, PROMOTE, PROMOTE! I can not say this enough and how much it makes someone stand out in my mind when they use their social media platforms smartly and push the show. As a producer this means extra to me and it shows you are computer savvy and know a thing or two about creating a buzz and fan base for yourself. (Updated: The owner of Nurse Bettie have actually just given the directive not to book performers who do not promote their booking from hence forth.) So you see, you can't just expect to show up and not promote your own show. Even Dita von Teese is super active in Twittering her tours, her brand lines, perfume, sweaters, lingerie. And Mila Jovovich too! She's constantly twittering about the film she is working on and other projects. So unless you think you are bigger than Dita or Milla, promote the event you are booked in. Start collecting emails of fans who talk to you. Send your email blasts and updates to NON-PERFORMERS. You need to target civilians who attend the show and NOT performers. I get performer updates all the time and why? I have no idea. I know who they are, and I know what they do. I don't need to know where they are performing in the month. Civilians are your fans!

Lastly, I keep in mind this little mantra all my life: Everyone has a path they are destined to be on. Don't be distracted by what's happening on other people's paths. Stay focused and work hard on yours and good things will happen.

I have also learned from my decade long designer day career that when clients don't pick my design direction it isn't personal. Some clients want a conservative blue/beige palette with a giant logo. 90% of the time it has nothing to do with the actual design aesthetic. Like the world of acting, people are cast based on their face, body types, voice, race - many things that you can't change or control which is probably why many actors are crazy and paranoid. There is almost no objectivity so you have to really watch yourself. In burlesque it is the same. Some people get booked for certain gigs because the promoters want a certain look, or frankly, they just like them better. I get booked for some gigs and not others. I don't take it personally. I'm preaching the uneasy truth, but one must try not to internalize these things. One person doesn't like you, another will. Like me, Rice University rejected me for undergrad but Cornell University accepted me. And that led me to be in NYC for the rest of my adult life. Showbiz is probably not for you if you continually feel hurt and defeated. If it's driving you crazy not knowing, you can always politely and genuinely ask the producer for constructive criticism on how to make an act more suitable for the show you want to be in.

I Showed My Vag

This month marks the one year anniversary of when I decided to stick all of my head (and all my bountiful hair) into the world of burlesque. I mark the date as the day I started kittening and the day I debuted at The Slipper Room in Jo's Beginning burlesque student showcase show. That was April 25th, 2009 - I believe. I had a three-way party after the debut and remember trekking over to Williamsburg immediately afterwards.

I have not stopped to do all that reflection bullshit on how much I've accomplished. I feel that is way too self-congratulatory right now to do. If I want to feel self-congratulatory, I'll just do a heap of cocaine on a night off. But - having said that - I will take this moment to self congratulate myself on the badass awesomeness that was Beatles Burlesque on Monday night!

To date, this was my best. I mean as a creator, producer, and hostess. I did not perform in the inaugural show because I had my hands and head full of a million other details of getting the band rehearsal time, coordinating who is doing what number, promotion, and running two other shows and a bunch of other secret pursuits I'm on. And of course, the night of the show I had to start a new day time job at a new agency which in hindsight was a blessing in disguise cause I was forced to think about something else all day instead of micromanaging and obsessing. I was really tired having to go straight from work to Public Assembly for sound check, but nothing a shot of whiskey can't fix.

The energy was tremendous from the minute I got there. Honi was setting up her elaborate setup for Blackbird, the boys in the band looked so great in their first set outfits: black suit jacket, white shirt, and skinny black tie. The gogo dancers looked fantastic in their fringey outfits. I love it when the visuals come together and its one big spectacle. My MC outfit was a big fro with a little silver thing with lots of silver fringe and white gogo knee boots with my old raver days white fur bootie covers. Yes, I used to go to raves... glow sticks and mini backpacks and all... sad days.

We started on time and opened the show with 2 songs by Ticket to Ride. I was also really excited for Brassy cause this is the first show I've done with her where she is providing the lead vocals on all the songs. I kept asking her if the sets were too long but she rocked it out. It was fucking amazing to hear her with a live band doing rock versions of Beatles. The performers really brought it - there's something about a live band that changes the experience of burlesque. I booked these girls specifically because they all have had lots of experience working with a live band. They can roll with it, improv, and don't need to adhere to a strict sound cue system. The band improvised on many songs and some songs were shortened and extended or had solo drums for instance. The band, the singer, and the performer - they are an organism on stage all working off of each other. As much as I would love to book new performers, this show is not a beginner showcase. I am consideromg adding one sacrificial lamb to be in the show. (Applications and concept proposals welcome! Send it to calamity@foxfatale.com)

A live band really adds to a show, I have to say. But it can be a delicate balance cause you don't want to feel like the band is competing with the dancers and vice versa. I think this time the format was successful because the band played some songs solo without dancers. Stormy Leather did a reverse strip to Sexy Sadie and she did a pretty fucking awesome piece to Revolution complete with a gas mask and a smoke bomb that was *this close* to lighting the curtain on fire. Gal Friday was absolutely gorgeous and delicate and sublime in this pink gown (that she made herself might I add) to Dear Prudence and then she was a black clad, flame haired VAMP for Helter Skelter. Honi's Drive My Car was so hilarious and the audience loved her stage set ups. Madame Rosebud did two crazy acts both of which ended with her doing something nasty to Brassy. I told her (Rosebud) backstage that her performances always veer on the edge of complete abandonment which is transfixing and why she has a signature mark and is so in demand. We talked some more about performativity as I counted out the tip hat. In the end, Brassy closed with "Let It Be" - so beautiful the way they played it and the way she sang it. Oh yes and I flashed my vag at curtain call. I felt like I teased and provoked all night and didn't perform so that was the least I could contribute to humanity - my vag show. The audience was amazing. The energy was so high. I think we all felt high the next day too. Luma Rouge attended and illustrated the show, prints available for purchase. Juliet Jeske blogged about the show. Stay tuned for Burlesque Magazine's review of the show, and Melody Mudd's slideshow for Cultural Capital!

For next month's show on May 10, I will be doing a "Yoko" spoken word performance piece and close with an act. Plus a projected slideshow! woo! The band and Brassy stays. The performer line up may vary and the song list will vary. But here's the set list from Monday for those who are curious:

Ticket to Ride
I Saw Her Standing There
Sexy Sadie
Dear Prudence
Happiness is a Warm Gun
Mean Mr. Muster
Drive My Car
Daytripper
I Me Mine
Blackbird
Revolution
Eleanor Rigby
Helter Skelter
Why Don't We Do It in the Road
Let It Be

Wonton Tacos

• 11th Avenue
• $20 cab ride
• A slippery stage
• Zipper malfunction

That about sums up the first part of my Saturday night at the Cain Luxe show! The space is beautiful adorned with what I assume to be faux elephant tusks as giant pillars surrounding the room and antelope horns as doorhandles. In the center of the room is a skinny long catwalk flanked by loungey sofas on either side. The lighting technician was great. He was professional and helped me figure out how to find a chair for one act (the club did not have a chair to use as a prop). The bartender...not so great. She ignored me and another girl while she was busy making googly eyes with the manager. We must have asked her for a drink three times before she finally turned around and was like, "Oh, sorry..." Whatever! The only sorry here is your brain, lady! This kind of attitude only further confirms my belief that Meatpacking nightclubs only attracts ugly people and it also further affirms my decision to not venture west of 7th Avenue and north of 14th Street (except when having to work or go to Conway or to fabric stores or see a film or try a new hot restaurant or visit a good friend).

I did meet the other performers who were cool, funny women. There was a modern dancer named Jasmin and this girl had the BEST sculpted thighs I've ever seen. You can tell she's been dancing all her life just by her legs. They were like thighs you see in anatomy books where you can see every muscle group. There was a belly dancer named Elektra who I really liked too. The show was billed as "Belly Dance vs. Burlesque" but it wasn't a real competition. At the end of the show the MC decided it was a tie. Scout Durwood was there too but I missed her act because I had to change. My first act was the nun and the only "stage" big enough to fit a fold-up chair was above the speakers which meant there wasn't enough room to walk around the chair, and it was very hard climbing up and down the platform on six inch platform vinyl boots. This is Suck Part Uno.

Suck Part Dos: Second act debut of Enter Sandman. The catwalk is slippery. Too slippery to really be suitable for performing. Elektra and Jasmin both danced barefoot and said it was slippery for them. I slipped a little climbing onto it. (Again, why am I climbing in the first place???) First minute goes well as planned. Prop opens as planned. Gloves come off as planned. Dudes love the song so that's already working in my favor. The costume is elaborate, another plus. When it came time for the zipper, STUCK STUCK STUCK!!! The little motherfucker would NOT budge and if this skirt doesn't come off the rest of the costume wont come off. I finally had to just throw out all choreography or structure and just improvise. Thankfully for the group of enthusiastic Metallica heads on the side, I asked one of the guys to open the zipper and sure enough, he unzipped it lickety split with one swift pull and ended my misery. Oh, sweet death.

After Cain, I headed over to Floating Kabarett at Galapagos dropping another $20 something in cab fare. Too many props and I hate taking public transportation in drag. I was so happy to be there and see Brassy, Michael, Diane, and Rosebud. It was a good night there for most part except sound was off cue most of the night. I did Sandman again at Kabarett and I realized that doing Cain was good because if the zipper fuck up happened here instead of there, there would be NO audience nearby to help unzip me. I would have been FUCKED and probably never get booked there again! The burlesque gods must have been watching out for me. Thank you! The last act was messed up because sound didn't have the overlay track that was supposed to play along with Brassy and Michael. So they stood there for a seemingly infinite amount of time on stage waiting for the track to start, then finally sound just played the original track and I just had to come out and dance. Brassy and Michael had to just step off to the side of the stage. I was pissed about that. Bjorn and Olga covered this slip up so good though. They said, "Wow, that was so postmodern." Haha. I was a total pomo-head in college and I love that kind of theory humour. Bjorn and Olga introduces me as someone who they found in the midwest eating wonton tacos. Then he was telling me that "wonton tacos" really exist at Applebees!
If that's not proof that we have finally made the cross-over, I don't know what would. Wontons at Applebees! It's time to start the Chinese Pride Parade!

After the show I hung out with Rosebud because she's in my Beatles Burlesque show at Public Assembly on April 12. We talked about the acts she is doing for it and I can't wait to see them! The show line-up is intense! Confirmed performers are Gal Friday, Stormy Leather, Honi Harlow, Madame Rosebud, and Broadway Brassy. Then I realized I was STARVING!! The only thing I ate that day was 4 chicken nuggest and some fries at noon. So we called Arecibo and went to the only place open 24/7 in Lower East Side: Remedy Diner. I had a turkey sandwich and Michael had a burger. I thought it was really good! The lettuce was crisp and clean, the bread was good, and I loved sitting at the counter overhearing drunk people's phone conversations with other drunk people on the other line.

A whole lotta stuff

Tomorrow night at Nurse Bettie is going to be crazy! I can see the show becoming popular on a week to week basis. Last week, it was so packed I couldn't even move around the bar during intermission. Tomorrow night I have booked Akynos, Lil Miss Lixx, Tansy, and Brassy. I also know that my friend Kelli is having her birthday drinks there so you know it's gonna be a mad house! Maybe I should take Friday off from work? I love going out to grab a bite to eat and a few drinks to wind down after a show. Ummm tempting tempting.

Saturday night I'm doing two shows back to back. First is Alter Ego at Cain in Chelsea then right over to Floating Kabarett. I am doing Enter Sandman at both plus 2 other numbers. The act has finally come together and I am very pleased with it.

Sunday night at Dim Sum Burlesque I am having Jezebel Express, Honi Harlow, and Minnie Tonka, all new to the show at Chow. I am SO excited about this powerhouse combo and can't wait to see what they'll come up with. Honi is also in my Beatles Burlesque show at Public Assembly on April 12 - I love her! She's so great.

Last Night's Show @ Public Assembly

Was tremendous!!! I was nervous because it was a new venue and a MUCH larger venue with a real stage waaaay up there. Although I've performed many times here on my own and knew the space, it was a whole other monster hosting the entire show and running 12 acts. I really felt grateful having Brassy there because our bantering on stage took some of the pressure off of me during the first set. The lights are quite bright at PA and I couldn't see anyone in the audience. I feed off primarily from the audience, on their body language, their response, and I was thrown off a bit because it was just a dark mass out there except for the table of girls in the front from Georgia who were boisterous and burlesque virgins. Having a real sound booth and Jesus working the sound booth was SUCH a luxury and being able to hear the guitar the way it's SUPPOSED to sound like during Michael's duets with Brassy (House of the Rising Sun, Magic Man) made me so happy. I ran the show in 2 big sets of 6 acts plus a drinking game and a mini-gogo song dance where I poured Bud Light all over myself. I got positive feedback and I can't wait for next month when I do "Beatles Burlesque" with a live band! I am casting and finalizing the songs. I'm happy to announce that so far the line-up includes Honi Harlow, Madame Rosebud, and Broadway Brassy.

Many Thingingmabobs!

Finally I am plugged back in the matrix-net. Jesus! A hundred emails not downloaded from the server. Moving in the snowstorm weekend. Dealing with strict move-in hours. The last few days have been the worst ever! But now it's over and I'm relishing in living in this fanfuckintastic apartment!

So last Sunday after moving and unpacking all day, I get to Chow for the show feeling a combination of exhaustion and excitement. I didn't want to leave the house because I had just finished re-categorizing my clothes (per Michael's example) and we were just about to start on the awesome bathroom. But I knew also that taking a few hours to put on makeup, glitter, and be pretty instead of feeling grungy and dirty wearing the same pair of leggings, t-shirt, and crusty old socks for 3 days would energize me. Even though ticket sales were not where I would have liked, I was in such a motherfucking great mood I wouldn't have cared if there were only five people in the room. I haven't seen Dame's new act, Amber Ray was coming to do her lotus blossom act, Rita Menweep was doing 2 numbers, and I wanted to play with Brassy! There was a table of three cute blonde girls in the front, another table of three, a table of three Euro-looking guys in the corner who I noticed. You know how it is. You feel the crowd and you know where the warm and cold spots are. We go through the first set and everything is great. Lots of cheering and hollering with minimal burl-etiquette coaching. I'm throwing back prossecco like there's no Monday, and I'm particularly talkative on the stage ranting about "oriental revivalism" and white guys with Asian girlfriends (I, myself, am guilty as a cohort). Second set comes along and I play one of the crowd favorite games, "Put a Ring on It". For this game I pick out a couple that seem to have good body language. I have the girl come up on stage and sit in a chair. I'll skip the details but the goal is for her boyfriend to put a cock ring on the banana that is nudged between her thighs while blindfolded. I picked out this particular couple only because one of the waitstaff said to me during intermission, "If you're going to pick on anyone, pick on my friends who are sitting over there!" When her boyfriend came up and was told to put the cock ring on the banana he yanked off the flimsy ribbon blindfold, angrily repeated, "I am NOT doing this!" several times, stormed off the stage, grabbed his jacket, and walked out much to everyone's chagrin and even more so for his girlfriend who sat there flabbergasted with a banana between her legs.

I felt so bad for her. She was obviously trying to keep the peace with this man so she understandably refused to play the rest of the game and went chasing after him. It was the chasing after that resonated with me. I've been in her position before in a not-healthy relationship where the guy controlled the entire dynamic of the relationship and you never knew if you or some situation would "offend" his ego. So you end up changing who you are from how you talk to your friends, the kind of jokes that you make or make you laugh, and you slowly become what you think he wants you to be because you love him (you think you love him) and you want to do everything you can to make it work so what's a little compromise in becoming a vegetarian or not hanging out with your friends because he doesn't like them - oh no, I'm not channeling any residual resentment at all! Instead you should just say, you don't get me so take your hypocrisy and go fuck yourself . The clincher however was when he stormed out, another female audience member yelled, "Dump him!" That was priceless.

Anyway, I'm a little drunk on red wine now. Here's a picture of Dame backstage in her "Farewell My Concubine" costume. I wish I had my phone to take a picture of Ambery's outfit too. I learn so much by just watching her performe, her gestures, movements, and facial expressions. She actually kind of looks like one of those Japanese girls in Harajuku when she's all done up. Quite fascinating!


Then on Monday, I still had the day off from work (domesticity and nesting is FUN!) to help Michael put the apartment together but at night I performed in Harlow's Hideaway at Fontana's. It's a monthly variety show in the basement of the bar on Eldridge Street, and I think she is my favorite show producer. Her show packs in SO much and it's not just burlesque. There is a stand up comedian named Claudia Cogan and she is hilarious. Then there's Maddy Man & Lexi who do modern interpretations of Bible stories. They did a re-telling of Lot's Wife to Bright Eye's "Turn Around". There was Bella daBalls who sings and strips along with Honi's own singing and stripping. Amber did a bunny number to Bjork's "It's Oh So Quiet" which I would love her to do at Dim Sum and she did this trick with her boobs and tassels that I have never seen anyone do before. Minnie Tonka (I'm wearing a pair now!) and Bunny Love both did acts that were brilliant. Tigger closed the show with his magnificent self and hopped off the stage and kissed a girl, then Michael, then me. I was able to hang out for a bit after the show and talked to everyone about various difficulties of producing a show... especially the financial stress and strain. I felt much much better after that - because I wasn't sure if I'm doing something wrong or not doing something that I should be, trying various combination of how to generate more money so I can pay everyone an amount that make everyone feel happy about coming out at night and performing. In the end, I realized it's just the way it is producing shows unless you have a HUGE marketing firm behind you or a big ass funding or a rich ass patron to give you a budget to do a show weekly.

Oh, and I have cable TV now! This is the first time I've had a TV in six years. When it's on, I find it hard to motivate to do things like write, design, read, or anything at all. It's like a big bland vortex that sucks you in by its sheer blandness. Unless I'm purposely sitting down to watch something - but I don't even know what's on and when it's on. So even though I'm now living in a real adult apartment, I still spend most of the time in the studio room.