Dating in NYC

How many of you have met a guy, flirted notoriously with each other, exchanged phone number (and even IM handles and Facebook friended), went out a few times, made out in public (and/or in private), and then - NOTHING. No further dates but still some random texting, IM-ing, or an occasional Facebook status comment. And no explanation.

I recently had to de-friend a friend because he was guilty of aforementioned behavior. In the past it never bothered me when he told me his dating stories, the mishaps, the "crazy" ones, the stalkers, etc. I always thought it was entertaining, albeit a little sad, and also because I never knew any of these "crazy" women he was seeing. But recently, it hit closer to home because the women are my friends. These are not just casual friends but friends I have invited over to my house for dinner and spend holidays with. There were at least three women who came back to ask me how well I know him and what his "deal" was. At first I wasn't sure what they were asking but with further questioning I realized that the women felt, to a greater or lesser degree, led on by his flirting, messaging, going out, kissing, then sudden vagueness and lack of committing to doing anything else. I've been in NYC for eleven years now and I've had long relationships, short non-committal ones and my share of one-night stands. It's no secret that NYC is dating heaven for men. There are 3 women to 1 men here, and this city not only condones but encourages the "Peter Pan Syndrome." Recently one of my best friends met a really interesting and handsome man through her friends. He joined them for dinner almost every night, they shared drinks, and had lively conversations. She felt a spark between them which was further flamed when they went back to her place and shared a kiss. He didn't spend the night because he said he really liked her and didn't want to move too fast. I was so excited for her when she told me this because I'm very protective of her and I want her to find someone who loves and respects her. But then the next day rolled around and nothing from him. Day turned into weeks and nothing begot nothing. Whatever plans he had to see her went away. And that was it! She told me she felt like maybe she imagined the whole connection and spark. (He is not married or already has a girlfriend).

So when my girl friends come to me and tell me this or asks, "What is his deal?", I see the disappointment in their eyes and I feel their feelings of rejection. We've all been there before realizing that, Oh, he must have many other hotter, better options than me. Then the self-doubt settles in and you ask if you imagined the whole connection, you ask if maybe you read into the situation more than there was, and insecurity sets in. This is NOT behavior that is respectful to women. This is selfish, irresponsible, and cowardly! And it's behavior appropriate to 20 year olds! I always tell my guy friends that if they don't want to romantically date someone anymore or maybe they hooked up once but doesn't want to continue the sexual part of the relationship to just be an adult and talk about it openly! Or at least give an explanation why you suddenly are no longer interested. I'm also a huge proponent of women asking the man "why". Something as adult and simply as, "Hey, I thought we made a connection but maybe you didn't feel the same way as I did?" That's all and then you can move on! I think of all the times I've wasted when I was younger pondering and obsessing about some guy's interest or lack-of or why-did-he-did-this-or-that, and if I could hottube timemachine myself back I would be a lot more direct (but not confrontational) and take control of the situation and my wildly careering feelings and moods. Women waste so much of our time obsessing about things like this when that energy can be rechanneled to more fruitful and rewarding things. This robs us of our creativity.

Frankly... I got tired of defending his actions and I am not condoning this kind of behavior anymore. It breeds bad self-esteem in women and it makes women feel bad about themselves. Using lame platitudes such as "I'm commitment phobic" (but not sexually phobic as demonstrated by groping you all over, hello!) is just intellectually AND emotionally LAZY. Respect for women means many things. One of which is respect for their feelings. You owe it to the woman who gave birth to you to be honest and kind. Even if you are not interested in them anymore or regretted that drunken kiss or hook up, you can be a man and say so kindly.

Eyelash Deficiency & Mascaras

It's no secret that in Asia women are obsessed with skin care but in the last few years, I've noticed a new obsession with eyelashes! I have tried eyelash extensions in Koreatown as well as by my friend Rosie who painstakingly glues individual silk lashes onto your eyelash baseline to create a wide-eyed look without ever having to use mascara (Rosie's salon also includes makeup for parties, weddings, and she's also an expert at brow shaping. She works out of the downstairs salon at LES boutique Honey in the Rough).

I loved the eyelash extensions which last about 3 weeks if you are careful. But since I have to wear false eyelashes so much for shows, it's an indulgence I can't have anymore. So what does a Chinese girl with average length and average volume eyelashes do when she's not in stage makeup? FIBERWIG!!!!

This is my all-time favorite mascara because it actually contains fiberous material (like the ones you find in wigs) but in the mascara. Each eyelash is coated with this thing - which is totally safe for your eyes - and makes your eyes look amazingly big. I always curl my lashes first, then I put just ONE coat of Fiberwig on, then curl again. I don't think non-Asians will benefit that much from this product cause non-Asians are already naturally blessed with long, luscious beautiful eyelashes...I often put mascara on boyfriends - so dreamy! I want to secretly steal their eyelashes and put them on my eyes! What do boys need such long, luscious, volumous lashes for anyway??

But last week I ran out of Fiberwig and haven't had time to go to Sephora to replenish so instead I've also been trying out a couple of other ones made by Rimmel.

From the top: Rimmel Max Bold Curves, Glam'Eyes  Day2Night, Fiberwig

The first one I tried was Rimmel's Max Bold Curves and it fucked up my lashes! Although it wasn't clumpy per say, it clumped my lashes together so it looked like my lashes were spikes. Very weird. I wans't so happy with it. The second one was Glam'Eyes Day2Night also by Rimmel. The packaging is neat with two separate wands, one for "length" and one for "volume". I honestly can't tell the difference with "length" vs. "volume" and that applies to ALL mascaras - but that's only probably because Asians don't have a lot of eyelash. So far, this one is okay but it doesn't have the "sticky" factor that Fiberwig has. What I mean by "sticky" factor is that with Fiberwig, after you apply it, you can curl your lashes again and it stays that way! Yes! You don't have to go out and get those "heated" eyelash curlers to create that fake-eyelash perm look - Oh, yes I've tried that too.

So I believe this girl is going back to Fiberwig. Btw, of course Fiberwig is a great fit for me - it is a Japanese product made by Imju - and they know they are working with short, straight lashes! And Imju just came out with a new-upgraded Fiberwig called Fiberwig LX that I can't wait to try.

In other news, I am so excited that Michael will be playing with Reckless Place is playing tomorrow night at Ace of Clubs on Great Jones Street - 9pm. And the burlesque photo show before that. Friday is Tails & Feathers and Saturday Coco de Mer! Meow!

Burlesque Makeup & an Old Picture

The most common question I get is, "What do you use to make your lips so glittery?" This is no big secret and here's what I do.

First is lipstick of your choosing, then dabbing on Mattese red glitter and voila!

Right now I've been using a Chanel lipstick (Rouge Coco 22) then dabbing Mattese Elite Fairy Dust in Red on top of the lipstick application. You can really use any lipstick color and dab a similar glitter on top to achieve that glittery lip look. Just be careful about the kind of glitter you get because they have to be non-metallic and have to say "for body, hair, and face" otherwise the craft glitter from craft stores can be toxic. Likewise the body glitter that I use on stage is by "Opal Ice" by Ben Nye which you can get for $15 at Halloween Adventure shop store on 4th Avenue. I was using the smaller Mattese size but Gal Friday turned me onto the Ben Nye 6oz. Sparklers which will last you a LONG time. Wet N Wild used to make this great and much cheaper body glitter called MegaSparkle that was available at drug stores for about $6. I haven't been able to find it in NYC anymore but outside of NYC there might be some still in stock. That product also worked so great and I miss it! Wet N Wild, if you read this, please bring it back!

Ben Nye's Sparkler

When I was cleaning the other day I found an old picture when I worked as a cigarette girl for Miss Kitty's Koncessions in Dallas. This picture is circa 1993 or 1994 and we were about to go in Club One in Deep Ellum. I forget the blonde girl's name but she was someone I hired. I also managed the Dallas office for Miss Kitty (whose real name I also forgot but she was one of those club kids from NYC/LA and later on sold her very successful cigarette girl business and went to law school!), and I also did all the hiring and interviewing of aspiring cigarette girls. It was the best high school job ever! Sure beat telemarketing and selling ads for the local high school football calendar (true story!). 

We had total access to all the best clubs in Deep Ellum like Club One (where all the ecstacy was coming out of, if you were there during that time, or if you read any books about the history and culture of ecstacy) and Club Clearview, and maybe one called FishDance? We would work the clubs and sell cigarettes and candy and rave toys. Sometimes we worked raves too in warehouses in nowhere downtown Dallas. It was so dirty that our fishnets left marks on our legs. I also met all kinds of crazy characters and drove around all the time in Dallas meeting club owners and managers to get them to let us work there for a night - umm... not much has changed cause this sounds much like my life now. Miss Kitty had TONS of costumes that we picked out every night to wear. They were all funky and crazy and I think she made most of them herself. The one I'm wearing here was my favorite made of a dark blue velvet. It was made for a Barney's event. One costume that I remember had a jack-in-the-box in the headpiece. Ah good times!

Being a cigarette girl back in 1993ish in Dallas, Texas.

News of all types!

So my parents have come and gone, and it was a very successful trip! They loved Beatles Burlesque on Monday night and they also really enjoyed the scenery along the Delaware River. We found a few waterfalls near Milford, PA and one of them was self-titled "The Niagara of Pennsylvania" - Bushkill Falls. I thought that was really funny considering that my pee-ing is bigger than some of the "waterfalls" in the park. Haha. We cooked dinner in the cabin at night and looked at the local stores during the day. I don't need to see another candle shop again in my life, much like my experience in Rome and Florence. I don't need to go inside another church in my life again either!

Me, Chewie and my Dad!

Our cabin by the Delaware River. Cozy but a little dirty and I did see a mouse.

They came to the Beatles Burlesque show and I have to admit, this past month's show was my personal favorite. There was a lot of variety in terms of guest musicians and a guest vocalist. Michael Cunio from Reckless Place (and Jersey Boys Chicago) has such great stage presence and he writhed on stage during Helter Skelter like fucking Axel Rose in his leather pants. He is also the lead singer for Reckless Place, the band Michael is now in, and they are playing this Thursday night at Ace of Clubs on Great Jones Street! 9 PM with a bunch of other rock bands!

Michael Cunio who wears eyeliner really well!

OMG the hotness factor with these three was INSANE!!!

I am really excited to see this show and not just because before the show, I'm going to see the Unsung Heroes of Burlesque photography opening with Dame Cuchifrita AND that upstairs from the Ace of Clubs is one of my favorite Cajun restaurants in all of NYC, Acme! I need an Oyster Po' Boy and a night to do other things and support Michael's show with Reckless so I won't be a Nurse Bettie this Thursday night. The following week is Thanksgiving so there are no shows on Wednesday and Thursday. The next time I'll be at Nurse Bettie is December 2 with Minnie Tonka, Fem Appeal, Gal Friday, Tansy, and Brassy.

I didn't take any clothes off! But I was a little potty-mouthed.

This past Thursday at NB I was getting ready behind our curtain when suddenly this little dark-haired pixie stuck her head inside and handed me a makeup case. It was so dark back there I didn't realize what it was until I opened it and saw a caseful of LIERAC skin beauty products from my favorite makeup artist Tina Turnbow (who does MU on celebrities like Christina Hendricks and who is a contributing writer for the likes of Marie Claire and Beauty Banter.

I've been using a product they have called Bust Lift - I figure preventive measures can't hurt, right? And now I'm incorporating more night and day items into my regiment. There were so many products in there that it took me a while to figure out what product to use and how. Very exciting!

Lierac - my latest beauty obsession

A couple of other show-related news:

• Beatles Burlesque will be at Crash Mansion on Monday, December 12. Show starts at 10pm! Same $10 just in Manhattan this time. Michael and I went by the space to check out the stage and it is very nice. Hardwood floors, a big stage, no dressing room just a green room so we'll have to bring a mirror on our own. But the space definitely feels more intimate with low ceilings and banquet-style booths and small cabaret-style tables in the front. Plus they are in Manhattan right by Bowery Ballroom, near many subway stops. Hopefully that will entice the Manhattanites to are reluctant to go out on a Monday night to bring their bodies out to this awesome show! 

Inside the Green Room of December's Beatles Burlesque

• I have a new show called "Tails & Feathers" starting Friday, November 19 at Toro Lounge which is the Smyth Thompson Hotel's downstairs lounge in TriBeCa! The show is free with complimentary drinks from 10-11pm and the show starts at 11pm. This inaugural show will feature some of my favorite performers who I am very familiar with, not only their personalities, the quality of work they bring, but also their oeuvre (haha, I felt like using that now). Gal Friday, Bird of Paradise, and I'm thrilled to bring Shelly Watson's goose-bump-enducing, move you to tears opera singing to this show! The event manager was very excited about having opera there as am I! I have a feeling this will become a monthly show or even bi-monthly. Fingers crossed that the Tribeca folks will like it!

New show! Tails & Feathers at Toro Lounge in The Smyth Hotel/Thompson Tribeca

Toro Lounge

Toro Lounge

3.  Looks like Macao Trading Company will also be doing something special for their New Year's Eve dinner party as well. I will be announcing that shortly...as soon as I finish designing the flyer for that night! Last year I was at Chow Bar doing Dim Sum Burlesque's NYE dinner/show and went to Macao afterwards and danced on the top of their dining table as Bryan Helm documented here!

NYE 2009

Tonight I am gogo dancing at Kings County Bar in Bushwick/East Williamsburg tonight with Deity, Belle a Go-Go and Stormy Leather. I'm so excited cause I put together 3 KILLER outfits to wear tonight. I LOVE gogo-ing nights sometimes you just wanna dance (not to sound totally like one of those "I'm a happy girl with my white iPod riding my bike and I LOVE the world and I LOVE my life!!!") but .... yeah I do love to dance and eat a big burger afterwards at 3am then finding money in your bra later.

Monday November 15 "Drunken Dragon Night" at Macao and Sapphire Jones will be performing! I'm very excited to have her there for the  first time. The open bar this Monday is provided by Wild  Turkey from 9-11pm. Show is at 11pm. Free admission.

Saturday November 20 is "Spreading the Curtains" at Coco de Mer and also The Naughty Housewife's birthday celebration so please RSVP because it's going to sell out again. I have a new act that I'm debuting that night and we have a very special group act as well. He he. The line-up is Peekaboo Pointe, Lil Steph from Philly who was showcased in this year's Ms. Exotic World. Please call the NY store at (212) 966-9069 to RSVP. Open bar provided by 42Below. $25cover. Show starts at 8pm.

Photos from !BadAss! 6th Anniversary Show by Stacie Joy

This series of my Aztec Priestess/Dusk til Dawn series was taken by Stacie Joy at Velocity Chyaldd's !BadAss! 6th Anniversary show at LPR. It's the last monthly of BadAss before becoming a seasonal show with an even bigger cast in 2011 with some proceeds going towards the non-profit close to her heart RAINN.

The lighting at LPR is amazing and dramatic. They changed it for every performer based on our costume and choreography. I didn't see one photo that was unflattering which is VERY unusual.



Thanks Stacie!