Wonton Tacos

• 11th Avenue
• $20 cab ride
• A slippery stage
• Zipper malfunction

That about sums up the first part of my Saturday night at the Cain Luxe show! The space is beautiful adorned with what I assume to be faux elephant tusks as giant pillars surrounding the room and antelope horns as doorhandles. In the center of the room is a skinny long catwalk flanked by loungey sofas on either side. The lighting technician was great. He was professional and helped me figure out how to find a chair for one act (the club did not have a chair to use as a prop). The bartender...not so great. She ignored me and another girl while she was busy making googly eyes with the manager. We must have asked her for a drink three times before she finally turned around and was like, "Oh, sorry..." Whatever! The only sorry here is your brain, lady! This kind of attitude only further confirms my belief that Meatpacking nightclubs only attracts ugly people and it also further affirms my decision to not venture west of 7th Avenue and north of 14th Street (except when having to work or go to Conway or to fabric stores or see a film or try a new hot restaurant or visit a good friend).

I did meet the other performers who were cool, funny women. There was a modern dancer named Jasmin and this girl had the BEST sculpted thighs I've ever seen. You can tell she's been dancing all her life just by her legs. They were like thighs you see in anatomy books where you can see every muscle group. There was a belly dancer named Elektra who I really liked too. The show was billed as "Belly Dance vs. Burlesque" but it wasn't a real competition. At the end of the show the MC decided it was a tie. Scout Durwood was there too but I missed her act because I had to change. My first act was the nun and the only "stage" big enough to fit a fold-up chair was above the speakers which meant there wasn't enough room to walk around the chair, and it was very hard climbing up and down the platform on six inch platform vinyl boots. This is Suck Part Uno.

Suck Part Dos: Second act debut of Enter Sandman. The catwalk is slippery. Too slippery to really be suitable for performing. Elektra and Jasmin both danced barefoot and said it was slippery for them. I slipped a little climbing onto it. (Again, why am I climbing in the first place???) First minute goes well as planned. Prop opens as planned. Gloves come off as planned. Dudes love the song so that's already working in my favor. The costume is elaborate, another plus. When it came time for the zipper, STUCK STUCK STUCK!!! The little motherfucker would NOT budge and if this skirt doesn't come off the rest of the costume wont come off. I finally had to just throw out all choreography or structure and just improvise. Thankfully for the group of enthusiastic Metallica heads on the side, I asked one of the guys to open the zipper and sure enough, he unzipped it lickety split with one swift pull and ended my misery. Oh, sweet death.

After Cain, I headed over to Floating Kabarett at Galapagos dropping another $20 something in cab fare. Too many props and I hate taking public transportation in drag. I was so happy to be there and see Brassy, Michael, Diane, and Rosebud. It was a good night there for most part except sound was off cue most of the night. I did Sandman again at Kabarett and I realized that doing Cain was good because if the zipper fuck up happened here instead of there, there would be NO audience nearby to help unzip me. I would have been FUCKED and probably never get booked there again! The burlesque gods must have been watching out for me. Thank you! The last act was messed up because sound didn't have the overlay track that was supposed to play along with Brassy and Michael. So they stood there for a seemingly infinite amount of time on stage waiting for the track to start, then finally sound just played the original track and I just had to come out and dance. Brassy and Michael had to just step off to the side of the stage. I was pissed about that. Bjorn and Olga covered this slip up so good though. They said, "Wow, that was so postmodern." Haha. I was a total pomo-head in college and I love that kind of theory humour. Bjorn and Olga introduces me as someone who they found in the midwest eating wonton tacos. Then he was telling me that "wonton tacos" really exist at Applebees!
If that's not proof that we have finally made the cross-over, I don't know what would. Wontons at Applebees! It's time to start the Chinese Pride Parade!

After the show I hung out with Rosebud because she's in my Beatles Burlesque show at Public Assembly on April 12. We talked about the acts she is doing for it and I can't wait to see them! The show line-up is intense! Confirmed performers are Gal Friday, Stormy Leather, Honi Harlow, Madame Rosebud, and Broadway Brassy. Then I realized I was STARVING!! The only thing I ate that day was 4 chicken nuggest and some fries at noon. So we called Arecibo and went to the only place open 24/7 in Lower East Side: Remedy Diner. I had a turkey sandwich and Michael had a burger. I thought it was really good! The lettuce was crisp and clean, the bread was good, and I loved sitting at the counter overhearing drunk people's phone conversations with other drunk people on the other line.